Reply to Do you feel marital money is truly equal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]While I do think everyone has a responsibility to plan for their own retirement both DH and I would feel deeply uncomfortable living a luxurious lifestyle while either of of mothers lived in poverty and without adequate care. [/quote]
Not having a private, full-time nurse is not living in poverty and without adequate care. [/quote]

I think OP said a nurse, aid, or nursing home., I don’t think she is far down this path.  It sounds like she is just freaking out.  [/quote]

Maybe. I think the thing that jumps out to me though is that rather than investigate what her parents can qualify  for /afford and then meeting any shortfall the response is a tantrum about how the marital funds are not truly equal. My grandmother needed a very high level of care for over a decade because of dementia but no other health problems (made more expensive because she became aggressive as well). It was literally millions of dollars. Having to have a conversation with your spouse about starting on the path to that is not unreasonable. [/quote]

I think he probably blew her off when she went to start the conversation.  I wouldn’t think to have all of my ducks in a row when I went to talk to my husband about something, and I wouldn’t expect to be rebuffed either.

Because yeah, thinking that he is just going to be willing to spend marital money on whatever her parents need without question is unrealistic, but expecting that she is just going to stop being a SAHM and get a job without discussion or buy-in from her husband is just as crazy.

I also think it’s kind of unfair to think of this discussion as simply one about finances.  It sounds like her father just got a terminal diagnosis and is unable to live at home.  That’s not an easy thing to deal with.  [/quote]

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