Reply to Lack of independent play is creating mental health crisis among kids today -- and overprotective parenting is to blame

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As though aftercare isn't a Lord of the Flies free for all...[/quote]

Yeah, I'm trying to understand why folks think aftercare or summer day camp is part of this particular problem.  Both after care and traditional day camps (not talking about academic or specialty camps) are A LOT of unstructured play and a lot of it is outside and active.  At my DD's camp last year she had a big free swim every afternoon (no different than going to the pool with friends) and overall I'd say a good 60% of the day was unstructured hanging out with peers -- jumping on trampolines, swinging in hammocks, making friendship bracelets and chatting, stuff like that... Certainly no screens! My kindergarten niece looooooves after care because it's truly just a big playdate.  These things are not the problem.

I think a child does suffer for being truly over-scheduled with STRUCTURED  activities, so they don't have time for playing [b]with friends[/b](whether its running around with [b]neighborhood kids, playdates,[/b] aftercare, at day camp, etc.).  You kid doesn't have to free roam though to have unstructured play [b]with peers.[/b]  And a balance with some structured activities is ok too.    [/quote]

You just imposed a pretty big structure on all that unstructured play you advocate: with other kids. You had to put that qualifier in every chance you got.

Parents who think there is something wrong with a child playing by herself or with siblings are another source of childhood anxiety. Like they can never live up to your expectations of being a social butterfly unless they are always at work socializing. Are you also the kind of parent who also engineers your children's friendships behind the scenes, making sure they only play with the "right" kids? Never being allowed to make friends without parental approval is not good for a child's mental health either.

Parents who overemphasize socializing are not better than parents who overemphasize an instument or sport.[/quote]

Actually, I think down time and time spent alone are very important too.  But did you read the interview?  The particular issue being discussed is that kids need time with other kids so they can navigate social situations, deal with "minor bullying" (his words), solve a problem as a group, etc.  My point was kind of don't let perfect be the enemy of the good...yes, free roaming the neighborhood with other kids provides a great setting to develop those skills, but so, actually, do play dates, after care, and even certain summer camps.  [/quote]

Also, I'm at a total loss as to what from post gave you the impression that I'm a social engineering parent.  Was it just the mere mention of "playdate"?  I schedule playdates for my DD with the kids SHE asks me to.  Jeez. [/quote]
My kid had a playdate, and the mom of the playdate felt she needed to run interference when the kids started arguing.  When my kids have a playdate, I tell them to go into the basement, and I stay in the kitchen.  If they argue, they need to figure it out.

I tell the same to my kids. Unless there is blood or broken bones, you need to solve your own arguments.[/quote]

Playdates at my house are like at yours...I totally butt out, and if they occasionally try to come to me, I literally say, "figure it out ladies".  I can sometimes hear them from DD's room (9 and 10 yr old girls are LOUD)...there is arguing, compromise, hurt feelings, apologies, getting bored and figuring out what to do next...all that good stuff.[/quote]

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