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[quote=Anonymous]I feel for you. My MIL declared long ago that 4th July is her holiday. She did this with good/noble intentions of not wanting anyone to feel obligated or guilty if they couldn't make Thanksgiving or Christmas. She hosts for meals, etc. and my BIL also throws a party and has the kids over to swim. And there's a beach nearby. Think NC/Outer Banks/Jersey Shore/Hamptons. Sounds awesome, and it has been fun.

In practice that means that we have never celebrated 4th July in our own town or attended our own block party. It's also a 6-7 hour drive each way (and believe me we've tried planes and trains over the last 20+ years). Now my IL's have downsized and we are the odd family out as far as staying with family - so we're also paying for accommodations that run about $1k if we want to do 3 nights.

The year we tried to do something else and come later in July because of logistics and cost started a huge argument. My spouse was furious and vowed we'd never go there again, etc., etc. We didn't see them for 2 years. I finally put my foot down because after 20 years this is [b]my[/b] family too. And my kids' grandparents (who are old) and cousins. So we sucked it up.

TL:DR - you can dig in your heels and are 100% in the right if you want to do so. And you probably should try to find a middle ground as Christmas isn't 4th July. But at the end of the day your IL's are part of your family and they are your kid's grandparents. And I don't think it's a terrible thing to model some level of deference to elderly relatives.

I'm sure DCUM will jump all over me for this, but I don't think these situations are always cut and dried. There's value in preserving the relationship with ILs and grandparents on some level. Not so everyone is miserable, but perhaps there's a middle ground.[/quote]

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