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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here--thanks for the input, all. (And I do enjoy being called both nasty and a doormat, lol.)

DH definitely is the messenger on all of this, though we discuss together before he engages. I think the real issue is that we've run out of productive ideas and know it's really in my ILs hands of how they want to deal with our preferences/requests. I'm

That said, I really like the "12 days of Christmas" frame! I admit having my kids wake up at home on Christmas morning is important to us, but I wonder if we could simply offer to fly to see them on the 26th or whatever for a few days before NYE. Seems like a simple solution that I should have thought of by now. Thanks![/quote]

It's a good plan to *generally* move toward visiting them just after Christmas. One recommendation I have is to not lock yourselves into a "we will always do it this way" framework given the rigidity it sounds like your inlaws bring to these discussions. Kids get older, jobs and schedules change, and what works now might now work in a few years. [/quote]

This is a really good point, thank you. This has all been super helpful.

One thing I should likely make clear is that we have stood by our "nos" that I alluded to in my first post--it just doesn't seem to change behavior on their end after the temper tantrums that occur after the "no" is delivered. (We did, admittedly, screw up by not making the deal we should have after they booked tickets on their own.)

I was looking for alternative ideas for approaching, which I've definitely gotten here so thanks again! I also appreciate the folks who wonder why we'd tolerate such behavior more generally; [b]the truth is that we just haven't hit the point of "cutting of ties" from our personal vantage point [/b]and hope to avoid that. We both know when it comes down to it, the ball is in their court but want to give as many options as possible to them that we could also live with. [/quote]

There is a LOT of space between boundaries/ not being bullied by your ILs and cutting ties. [/quote]

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