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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My stepdad sexually abused me from age 12 to age 17.  My brother maintains a relationship with my mother and stepdad. My brother has 3 daughters.

Two years ago, I shared with my brother the details of the sexual abuse committed by my stepdad so he could protect his children.

I recently learned that two weeks ago, my brother and his wife took their kids to visit my parents and spent the weekend there, spending the night in my parent’s house.

I want to ask them what measures they take to keep their kids safe, but I am afraid that even raising the question might alienate them. Is there a way to ask this question without starting a huge kerfuffle?[/quote]

How did your brother respond when you disclosed the abuse to him? You said that he maintains a relationship with them, which implies that you do not. How old are the daughters in question?[/quote]

Op here. He was very bothered by what I shared and he said he believed me. His kids range from age 2-9.[/quote]

I think it is worth sharing with him that you were concerned when you heard that they'd stayed overnight at your parents' house. [b]Maybe he hasn't been concerned thus far because his kids have been younger, but they are now approaching the age you were when the abuse began, which would scare the hell out of me in your shoes. It's also worth considering that if he's maintained a somewhat normal relationship with them for the last 2 years, his guard is down about the threat[/b]. It's worth asking if they are doing anything differently now that their oldest daughter is approaching puberty. [/quote]

NP and asking OP to re-read this PP's post, especially the bold. This is VERY perceptive and should be taken seriously as advice, OP. You cannot know for sure, but it's entirely possible that your brother, as PP so rightly points out, has thought his kids' young age protects them (it won't forever, and besides that, there are molesters who prefer very young children). And your brother might be thinking, "I've been going there for two years with the girls, I've never seen anything odd," so his guard is down.

It's time to take him and SIL aside again, and reiterate that the abuse you endured was real and serious, and began when you were age X, which their girls are now approaching. I would give them resources to read about family sexual abuse, OP. Do it all with a very non-judgmental (toward them) tone and attitude, do NOT sound accusatory toward them, do your best to emphasize you are not judging them as parents. But explain that you have had experiences they have not had, and want to spare their children repeating your horrible, scarring experience and ask them if they have methods for ensuring their kids are never alone with grandpa (and he should of course never be allowed to take them anywhere on his own). I know you fear alienating them. If you get along well with them, I might actually SAY out loud, "I'm afraid that by bringing this up, I'll alienate or anger you, and that is something I don't want to do, because I love you and the kids. But I also am having to set that fear aside to talk to you, which I hope you understand."

Your stepfather may be very charming, kind, sweet to children and that may have sucked brother and SIL in so they want to believe him over you. I'd tell them that if he seems lovely with the little girls, that is how he was with you, too. [/quote]

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