Reply to Failure to thrive - Mid and late 20s

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a therapist who specializes in failure-to-launch patients in their 20s. Many of them have personality disorders (especially narcissistic personality disorder) that create difficulties in work and romance.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder basically forces someone's personality to have a "grandiose" self and a "vulnerable" self. This often presents as failure to launch since 20-somethings will have a false sense of grandiosity (since most failure-to-launch cases are still on their parents' payroll and aren't withtaking the proper role of adulthood and financial independence) as well as a fragile sense of vulnerability (many of these failure-to-launch patients had demanding "Tiger" parents who had unrealistically high expectations for their kids and instilled a deep sense of shame in them if they failed to reach said high expectations).

This leads to paralyzing amounts of self-absorbent and self-pity that often prevent launching. I use a form of therapy called Transference-Focused Psychotherapy with my patients to help them develop a realistic sense of self that can withstand the challenges of financial independence, work, and romance. I also incorporate CBT and DBT techniques when helpful as well. [/quote]

Wow. I dated a guy when we were in our late 20s and I have never been able to figure out if he was a sociopath or an NPD. While he "launched" in a way, he struggled remaining employed. TBH, he could hold onto the job for some years, but he always had to move on at some point, mainly due to perceived slights, etc. If anything, his dad was a tiger parent yet also had a similar personality/experience (inability to remain employed over long periods of time).

While I was deeply affected by his conduct (I recently learned he had taken a job somewhat near where I live and I did shudder), in some ways it helped me focus on finding a good guy and my DH is everything but that guy.

Hope people out there who need this help will seek out therapists like you.[/quote]

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