Reply to I get upset when high-stakes things go wrong, husband doesn't care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is not uncommon for the partner of a catastrophizer to pull in the opposite direction to seek balance.

He was trying to make the best of things. Try it sometime. All you did was guarantee it was going to be a miserable experience. Pouting is never a good look. [/quote]

We don’t know the pattern here though.

If Mr Laid Back never lifts a finger to do anything or make things happen, guess who has to be more vigilant? The other partner.

If Mr Laid Back is clueless about what he’s missing out on, how would he ever get upset that he can see the beach and volcano? And instead had to look at a pillar?

He should however VALIDATE your feelings early on. Yes it sux to come all this way, plan ahead and get stuck in the corner, [b]let’s ask again or tell them we’ll take only 1 hour at a better table or maybe the bar is a better atmosphere and view than this?[/b] Find and suggest actual SOLUTIONS. That’s helpful.

But his ignoring and not responding ESCALATES things, where Op then has to repeat herself seeking understanding or validation, several times, only to be met with the opposite: nonchalance and criticism.

If that’s your pattern Op do a few months together of couples counseling, with the goal of better communication, caring and validating if one another’s feelings.

Your feelings are valid Op. it’s ok to be pissed when you’re ripped off. He should agree, validate it, seek more solutions, the everyone moves on and makes peace with it.

The “oh well” attitude sounds like living in communism, where nothing you do matters so, Oh well. [/quote]

BTDT. People absolutely ask for different tables or negotiate or leave. Especially busy people or those in a rare dinner out or big rigamarole with travel, sitters, reservations, famous restaurant or view. 
Saying you won’t take two hours for a dinner usually works.

Maybe her husband eats out a lot for work and doesn’t care about one more dinner out or the view. That doesn’t mean OP has to smile and nod at crumbs. [/quote]

Sure it means she has to make it a miserable time for everyone else! Who wants to hang around someone like that? [/quote]

Clearly not the doormat types. Unless they secretly like advocates since they’re passive and silent.[/quote]

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