Reply to My dad is planning to live another 20 years

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[quote=Anonymous]From my experience the elders who themselves were in this rodeo for many years with their aging parents get it and planned accordingly. The ones who left the worst parts to a sibling or who's parents had one emergency and then passed often don't get it and don't have the empathy to make sound choices.

I have been at this a long time and spent too many years giving up things I needed and enjoyed from vacations to my own doctor visits because of emergencies and things that could have been hired out.

I would get an expert middleman involved. Can you hire a geriatric social worker to check on him every few months and assess his needs and then increase the visits as he gets older? I would get a plan in place in case there is an emergency when you are out of town. Don't burden neighbors, they will hate him for it after an emergency or 2. See if the SW has ideas or ask adult protective services what options there are.

My parents loved the luxury of having me at their beckon call.  Mom flipped out when her difficult behavior made it so I had enough health issues I had to address them and stop putting up with her BS. Now that she sees aging at home means often strangers will be caring for her and when I can't, strangers will deal with her emergencies, it is less appealing.

Once I set major boundaries and got an outside professional involved to assess, it actually changed my health for the better more than any medication could and it made it easier for me to do self care like eating healthy, exercising and getting sleep.

You can be there for him in old age and show your love, but no need to enable him by making it easy not to think about what he wants for the future. An expert in aging can help him figure it out including how to modify the house if he won't move. Then you don't have to be fussed at or hear the denial and if he still refuses to make changes, you know you tried it all. When the emergency happens and you finally took a trip to the beach after years without and you turned your phone off, you will know you tried everything to prevent this.[/quote]

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