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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do think this is too many rules and being too rigid about rules, BUT

I really agree with your first rule because this is something that people can be really unrealistic about. Both my mom and my MIL were incredibly demanding about wanting to hold the baby and would actually speak sharply to me when I asked to take the baby back. My MIL once accused me of feeding the baby "too often" just to have an excuse to take the baby back (baby was a month old! we were feeding at normal intervals). Both of them said to me at one point that it was "unfair" for me to ask to hold the baby because "you get to hold her all the time."

I just think it's really rude to tell a woman who is within that 6 week postpartum period that she can't hold her own baby. It's selfish and cruel. A woman who recently gave birth should get to hold her baby whenever she wants.

So I'd stick with that rule and I'd encourage your DH to back you up, if you think it will be an issue.

The other stuff is too much. It's fine to set some of those boundaries, but sending people a list that long will just make them feel like you hate them and don't want them to see the baby at all.[/quote]

I agree that it is a potential problem but I think it’s borrowing trouble to make a rule in advance. Deal with the problem if it arises. [/quote]

You have to discuss with your partner ahead of time and be ready to deal with it as a united front. It's really important if you have ILs who don't respect boundaries. Especially when you are immediately postpartum and trying to adjust to new motherhood -- breastfeeding, dealing with sleep deprivation, staying on top of all the brand new infant care duties (they ultimately get very easy but those first few weeks can feel overwhelming). If you have very overbearing family members visiting, what happens is that they essentially take advantage of the fact that you are exhausted, perhaps limited in movement due to childbirth, and feeling overwhelmed, in order to push their own agenda.

Stuff like this is what results in longhand resentments. If OP's DH isn't ready to run interference on this stuff and if they don't think her ILs will see reason and observe boundaries, it would be better to postpone the visit until OP feels comfortable and strong enough to do it herself. It is not a good plan to just assume that OP will be able to stand up to overbearing visitors in the days and weeks after giving birth, especially if her DH has a history of acquiescing to his parents' demands or not backing her up.

It is good OP is raising these issues now and talking about it with her DH. The way she's listing it will sound overwhelming and it's not how I'd approach it with ILs. But I would say that her DH needs to get on board with setting these boundaries and holding them, and that if he can't, they should just not see his parents until the baby is a little older. Otherwise it's unfair to OP.[/quote]

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