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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I do think this is too many rules and being too rigid about rules, BUT

I really agree with your first rule because this is something that people can be really unrealistic about. Both my mom and my MIL were incredibly demanding about wanting to hold the baby and would actually speak sharply to me when I asked to take the baby back. My MIL once accused me of feeding the baby "too often" just to have an excuse to take the baby back (baby was a month old! we were feeding at normal intervals). Both of them said to me at one point that it was "unfair" for me to ask to hold the baby because "you get to hold her all the time."

I just think it's really rude to tell a woman who is within that 6 week postpartum period that she can't hold her own baby. It's selfish and cruel. A woman who recently gave birth should get to hold her baby whenever she wants.

So I'd stick with that rule and I'd encourage your DH to back you up, if you think it will be an issue.

The other stuff is too much. It's fine to set some of those boundaries, but sending people a list that long will just make them feel like you hate them and don't want them to see the baby at all.[/quote]

That’s fine and I agree with you; but I don’t think that should laid out as a RULE pre-visit….talk about setting a weird tone. That’s something that - IF it happens, you address in the moment. Don’t do that now, it’s not needed and will just make you sound crazy. There’s every good chance that what they’ve said is their way of expressing that they’re really, really excited to meet and hold your baby - which is wonderful! [/quote]

PP here and I disagree with you, and think it would apply to many of the things on OP's list.

I actually think the key here is to discuss this list with your spouse so that you are on the same page, and also make sure he's aware of and will back you up on the real deal breakers.

My experience is that some people get really comfortable just railroading right over the new mom's wishes if it's not what they want. Or they'll appeal to you like you are being unreasonable and it feels unfair because you're exhausted, hormonal, and emotionally spent, and may not be in a position to articulate WHY you want a certain thing or why you don't want something.

I remember my mom kept trying to take my baby for walks outside the house right after she was born. I wasn't opposed to my mom taking the baby out for short period or for the baby to be outside. But my mom is older with mobility issues, and she kept wanting to just carry the baby around outside, so I kept saying no I wasn't comfortable with that, would she like to use the stroller? No, no, she said, that's not necessary. At one point she suggested using the soft carrier I had but she didn't know how and she put it on incorrectly and was like "I'll just put the baby in here, it will be fine!" And I said no again and she was like "wow, you are really anxious and crazy, must be the hormones, it's nuts you don't feel comfortable with me just taking the baby for a walk."

It was exhausting because I would have happily let my mom take the baby out but she was being really unreasonable. This was someone who needed assistance to get in and out of a chair, but I was treated like I was over-anxious and ridiculous for suggesting that it was not a good idea for someone in that condition to carry the baby around outside (I couldn't even figure out how my mom was going to get the baby down the front steps of the house without my assistance, but she was going to just carry the baby around the block? what the hell?).

I was so frustrated I kept having to re-assert my request that she not do what she was proposing to do, and frustrated that everyone acted like I was nuts for doing so.[/quote]

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