Reply to My dad is planning to live another 20 years

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here’s my revelation. I am honestly somewhat angry with dad as he is so eager to live so long. He just thinks about himself but gives no thought to how it affects me. At the same time I feel guilty as he isn’t really a HUGE burden to me or anything. He also had many difficult years caring for my mother who was a very very unpleasant and difficult person. I am grateful he took that that burden off me but also angry that he didn’t protect me from her enough.
I don’t really think I need therapy but I just wanted to say it out loud. [/quote]
Are you sure you don’t need therapy? I mean, yes, these years can be hard, but you seem angry. Not at the caretaking you are doing, but just because the man wants to live? I say this as someone who nursed my mom through years of cancer, the last years living with me, and it was hard and I got frustrated and felt worn down but I don’t recall feeling angry that she wanted to live. Everyone is different, but I wonder if therapy would help you get to a more peaceful place.[/quote]

It’s such a long winded and complicated situation that it’s not worth it imo even start 
Long story short dad has always been somewhat childish, self centered, and we though he was a good dad when I was little, as in a good friend or an older brother maybe, I think he failed to be the protective strong figure we all need as kids. My mother was a difficult person and had complete rule over him. Now that she is gone he seems clueless as to how to be an adult. She used to complain that he needs constant guidance and supervision; I thought she was enabling him, but I am starting to see what she meant. 
I am resentful that he wants 20 years of being under an illusion of being independent. Well he is not! It’s a strange combination of occasional self deprecation and lack of humility and acceptance of him getting older that boggles my mind.
He constantly grieves how he is not young anymore, and at the same time he is worried when he discovers how he isn’t as strong or energetic as he used to be, I think he is resistant to recognizing signs of aging. It’s like he was young and then grew old but was never really mature. 
Hope I am making sense here [/quote]

Can you give some tangible examples of how he creates obligation and mental load for you? Maybe there are ways to mitigate them? For instance are all of his bills on autopay? If not, they should be immediately. Can you have a standing, basic grocery order that is delivered every week so that you know he'll always have the basics? Make birthday and Christmas gifts things that he needs...pay for a handyman to come fix small things that need fixing. [/quote]

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