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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Therapy, yes--for her, for you, and family. But honestly, also, a nature focused sleepaway camp, ideally all girls, that doesn't allow cell phones..give her a break from the family and social media, give you a break from her, let someone else (counselor) work on the hygiene issues with some modeling from peers. Get a bunch of camp brochures and let her pick. This is not a punishment.

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I can't see this ending well.  While well-meaning, good kids, your regular teen camp counselor is NOT going to be equipped to deal with a struggling child like OP's DD and then there's the real possibility she would end up ostracized or bullied for her behavior.

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OP here. Yes, I would love for my daughter to be able to do something like camp,  but I don’t think it is a great idea at this stage. Also, it wasn’t the wet pants on a pile that was the problem , it was that her plan was to wear the sopping wet pants to school today. [/quote]

Read Ross Greene and figure out how to talk with her about what is going on and how to deal with it. If she's outgrown her other pants and these are the only ones that fit, or if she gets teased when wearing other clothes, I could see why she felt this was her best option though obviously it wasn't a good choice. behavior is communication. What was she trying to communicate? How can she communicate her needs more effectively and how can you better meet them?[/quote]

Definitely has not outgrown other pants. There were at least 20 other pants options. She wore those pants yesterday. That’s why they were in the wash. In fact they are my old pants that she has taken over. Black gap bootcut yoga. Womens large. Too long for her legs. What was she trying to communicate?? I have no idea. What I am concerned about was the disordered thinking that she thought wearing wet pants straight from the washing machine was a normal thing to do and a good idea, and her only option. She ended up wearing a different pair that is a brand new pair that she requested and got for Christmas, one of several brand new ones. But only after I took away the wet ones. That seems like something a toddler would do, not a middle schooler. [/quote]

OP, don’t you don’t need to focus on the pants or what it means. As a mother of a teen, sometimes they do weird stuff. People with OCD do weird, inexplicable stuff, too. (I’m one of these people). One of her compulsions could be around these pants and she’s not telling you. You KNOW her OCD/anxiety is a problem. Why aren’t you medicating her for this? Why? [/quote]

Because she is so young. I don’t want to mess up the chemistry of her developing brain. But however we are at the point now where we need to try the medication tool. [/quote]

Totally get the idea of not wanting to mess with her brain chemistry, but what she's doing seems to indicate that this is beyond normal teen quirkiness/rebellion.  There is already something messed up with the brain chemistry and she can't possibly be happy this way.  And remember, you are on the special needs board, we've all had to accept the fact that something is messed up with our children's brain chemistry, including you, we get how hard it is.  You have another child with ASD; I'm no psychologist but could some of this be acting out because so much attention is paid to her brother; that could also fuel the anger towards him?  Does she feel like she's rebelling against some pressure to be the "normal" one?  Seems like it could be one of many factors coming to a head.  Also, medication is not forever and therapy will not benefit her until she is stabilized and able to participate.    [/quote]

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