Reply to I make my kids separate meals from us for pretty much every meal and I think it's better

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I am definitely not saying that everyone has to do it my way. I'm just saying that you never hear people say "just make your kids separate foods, its fine" and I have found it is fine.

But I've been told a million times, by pediatricians, teachers, friends, family, "Just feed them what you eat!" As though all kids just eat what adults eat no issue. But my kids have never done this, and when we've tried to do family dinners without substitutions, or even minimizing substitutions, it just leads to conflict. So I just decided that what matters is that they eat regularly healthy meals that hit all their nutritional needs, and it's not actually that important that they eat the exact same foods.

Obviously if your kid happily eats whatever you eat, this isn't an issue. But serving different food is way better than either arguing over eating the family meal or watching them eat the least nutritious version of that meal when there are plenty of nutritious foods they WILL eat.

People act like serving your kids "kid food" at a meal is a failure and it's really not. I personally think it would be a failure if my my kid was eating nothing but tortillas/rolls/bread/rice and milk for dinner every night, which is what would happen if I didn't offer an alternative to our adult foods.[/quote]

How about the dozens if not hundreds of people who would say NOTHING TO YOU AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO RAISE YOUR KIDS, because we would never dream of offering unsolicited parenting advice! You haven’t heard “just do X” because real life is not DCUM, and well-mannered adults do what works for them, live their lives, and don’t offer advice unless specifically ASKED.[/quote]

What are you talking about, people offer unsolicited parenting advice all the time. On DCUM a lot of the advice is actually solicited, even if it is also often rudely delivered. But this is neither here nor there on the question of whether you are required to feed your kids the food you yourself eat. This is a conversation, not a pissing match, and you are the one being rude by shouting in ALL CAPS. Dial it down.[/quote]

I’ve heard at least a dozen of my friends complain about how their kids are picky eaters, often as an invitation to commiserate. I murmer along and kind of use my now-adult cousin as a point of reassurance, “The pickiest eater I’ve ever known is a Navy pilot!” That kind of thing. But unless I am pressed, I don’t offer that my kids have never been picky (though there are certainly some foods they prefer and others they will taste and try, but will not eat a full portion), because that’s not helpful and because I don’t need to make every conversation about me. And no, my friends and family don’t offer unsolicited advice; like, ever. Maybe my mom will occasionally say something borderline advice-y, but not my friends. It’s more like someone throws out a point of commiseration. If someone has a particular question, we will ask it, but that’s rare.

The point is, OP is acting like people have been withholding this secret point of advice because only she herself has worked out this amazing strategy, and…that just ain’t it. I don’t care what my friends’ kids’ eat, and I don’t care what OP’s kids eat. I just think it’s off-base for her to be essentially telling us all how her way is best. No thanks, I’m not a short-order cook. I make dinner, and my kids eat it. We don’t need OP’s “better” way.[/quote]

I am OP and I wasn't saying my way is better than yours. If you read my OP, what I'm saying is that I have found my way is better than the standard advice, which is to feed your kids exactly what you are eating, because this results in my kids only eating the simple carbs and picking at the rest, whereas my way results in them eating a wider variety of food. I am sorry if the way I phrased my thread title is upsetting people -- I didn't mean it as a challenge to people who are happy with the way they feed their kids. I meant it as a suggested alternative for people who struggle to follow the standard advice of just feeding their kids exactly the same foods they eat.

I'm glad you don't get a lot of unsolicited advice about parenting, but my experience is that people DO tend to offer a lot of advice. And the bigger issue is that the advice they offer is often bad because it's based on different sorts of kids. This is why people with picky eaters, or parents of kids with special needs, often get a lot of bad advice. I thought I would just offer what I know to be pretty decent advice based on my experience with kids who do not happily eat the same sorts of foods we eat.[/quote]

OP, I think I get what you mean. I BBC also have a truly picky/disordered eater (ARFID diagnosis, underlying food intolerances and other medical issues, years of feeding therapy) and if I just insisted on eating curry and my favorite Thai noodles every night my kids would also just eat the side dish so I usually have a couple preferred foods out at a time (although I do try to occasionally have no preferred carbs out to increase the amount of protein/fat/fruit that gets eaten). I think it’s important to continue the exposure but also meet your kid where they are. I make sure my kid gets enough protein even if that means eating the same thing more often than ideal. I think this approach works but it’s slow. I also know that people think I’m a terrible mom who is lazy and doesn’t want to deal because and that’s why my kid has a limited palate. They don’t know about the medical issues or the years of therapy and the fact that my kid now can pass for a “regular “ picky eater is a huge win. It’s ok. We avoided a feeding tube and my relationship with my child is strong. I can handle the judgment.

I think your title was a little inflammatory, whether you meant it to be or not. Anyway people who use their child’s varied palate to feel good about their parenting are very resistant to the idea that they had fairly little to do with that and have a lot of energy invested in believing other people are “wrong “. You won’t convince them. [/quote]

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