Anonymous wrote:Oh FFS. What do you think kids eat all over the world, and have done for thousands of years? They eat the cuisine of their culture, spicy though it may be.

Sorry your kids are picky, OP, but don't pretend all children are like this. And don't pretend your choice to cater to them isn't part of why your kids are picky.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am definitely not saying that everyone has to do it my way. I'm just saying that you never hear people say "just make your kids separate foods, its fine" and I have found it is fine.

But I've been told a million times, by pediatricians, teachers, friends, family, "Just feed them what you eat!" As though all kids just eat what adults eat no issue. But my kids have never done this, and when we've tried to do family dinners without substitutions, or even minimizing substitutions, it just leads to conflict. So I just decided that what matters is that they eat regularly healthy meals that hit all their nutritional needs, and it's not actually that important that they eat the exact same foods.

Obviously if your kid happily eats whatever you eat, this isn't an issue. But serving different food is way better than either arguing over eating the family meal or watching them eat the least nutritious version of that meal when there are plenty of nutritious foods they WILL eat.

People act like serving your kids "kid food" at a meal is a failure and it's really not. I personally think it would be a failure if my my kid was eating nothing but tortillas/rolls/bread/rice and milk for dinner every night, which is what would happen if I didn't offer an alternative to our adult foods.

How about the dozens if not hundreds of people who would say NOTHING TO YOU AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO RAISE YOUR KIDS, because we would never dream of offering unsolicited parenting advice! You haven’t heard “just do X” because real life is not DCUM, and well-mannered adults do what works for them, live their lives, and don’t offer advice unless specifically ASKED.

What are you talking about, people offer unsolicited parenting advice all the time. On DCUM a lot of the advice is actually solicited, even if it is also often rudely delivered. But this is neither here nor there on the question of whether you are required to feed your kids the food you yourself eat. This is a conversation, not a pissing match, and you are the one being rude by shouting in ALL CAPS. Dial it down.

I’ve heard at least a dozen of my friends complain about how their kids are picky eaters, often as an invitation to commiserate. I murmer along and kind of use my now-adult cousin as a point of reassurance, “The pickiest eater I’ve ever known is a Navy pilot!” That kind of thing. But unless I am pressed, I don’t offer that my kids have never been picky (though there are certainly some foods they prefer and others they will taste and try, but will not eat a full portion), because that’s not helpful and because I don’t need to make every conversation about me. And no, my friends and family don’t offer unsolicited advice; like, ever. Maybe my mom will occasionally say something borderline advice-y, but not my friends. It’s more like someone throws out a point of commiseration. If someone has a particular question, we will ask it, but that’s rare.

The point is, OP is acting like people have been withholding this secret point of advice because only she herself has worked out this amazing strategy, and…that just ain’t it. I don’t care what my friends’ kids’ eat, and I don’t care what OP’s kids eat. I just think it’s off-base for her to be essentially telling us all how her way is best. No thanks, I’m not a short-order cook. I make dinner, and my kids eat it. We don’t need OP’s “better” way.

I am OP and I wasn't saying my way is better than yours. If you read my OP, what I'm saying is that I have found my way is better than the standard advice, which is to feed your kids exactly what you are eating, because this results in my kids only eating the simple carbs and picking at the rest, whereas my way results in them eating a wider variety of food. I am sorry if the way I phrased my thread title is upsetting people -- I didn't mean it as a challenge to people who are happy with the way they feed their kids. I meant it as a suggested alternative for people who struggle to follow the standard advice of just feeding their kids exactly the same foods they eat.

I'm glad you don't get a lot of unsolicited advice about parenting, but my experience is that people DO tend to offer a lot of advice. And the bigger issue is that the advice they offer is often bad because it's based on different sorts of kids. This is why people with picky eaters, or parents of kids with special needs, often get a lot of bad advice. I thought I would just offer what I know to be pretty decent advice based on my experience with kids who do not happily eat the same sorts of foods we eat.

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cultural. My husband and I come from different cultures, both without kids menus or special kids meals. Our kids eat everything and have since they were babies. Seafood, liver, kale, mushrooms, spicy food — they eat everything and will try anything. The key for us was 1) always serve a variety so they don’t get used to any one thing in those “picky” phases and 2) don’t give in to demands. When our oldest was one they would wail for pancakes sometimes. Nope. You eat what everyone eats. Eventually when they learned that after a week or so it never happened again. We also always served vegetables first and limited snacks.

Everywhere I’ve been, all over the globe, has “kid foods.” Japan, India, Germany, Colombia, Peru. Never have I seen anywhere a culture that doesn’t include a regular reliance on “kid friendly” options separate from more intense and spicy adult foods. Those foods might look a little different than our American stand-bys, but of course they exist. Everywhere.

There are no “kid foods” in Spain. I lived there for years and can attest to this.

https://spanishsabores.com/what-do-kids-eat-in-spain/

https://familylifeinspain.com/2014/05/spanish-food-for-children/

Here are “9 recipes with cheese for kids” from a parenting website based in Salamanca, Spain.

https://eresmama.com/5-recetas-con-queso-para-ninos/

Totally the same as chicken nuggets and Lunchables.

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Anonymous wrote:I usually serve the kids the adult meal but offer a pb&j after if they didn’t eat much. For us it’s worked well to give the kids opportunities to try a variety of foods, tastes, spices, seasonings but we don’t pressure on them to like everything or finish their plates

This is how we handle it. There is a one bite rule for all dishes, and I only allowed the sandwiches once they were old enough to make it on their own. With a husband that travels a lot and three kids in travel sports, I am simply too busy to make multiple meals or provide a lot of different options. You get what you get, or go make yourself a sandwich on your own.

Anonymous wrote:I usually serve the kids the adult meal but offer a pb&j after if they didn’t eat much. For us it’s worked well to give the kids opportunities to try a variety of foods, tastes, spices, seasonings but we don’t pressure on them to like everything or finish their plates

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cultural. My husband and I come from different cultures, both without kids menus or special kids meals. Our kids eat everything and have since they were babies. Seafood, liver, kale, mushrooms, spicy food — they eat everything and will try anything. The key for us was 1) always serve a variety so they don’t get used to any one thing in those “picky” phases and 2) don’t give in to demands. When our oldest was one they would wail for pancakes sometimes. Nope. You eat what everyone eats. Eventually when they learned that after a week or so it never happened again. We also always served vegetables first and limited snacks.

Everywhere I’ve been, all over the globe, has “kid foods.” Japan, India, Germany, Colombia, Peru. Never have I seen anywhere a culture that doesn’t include a regular reliance on “kid friendly” options separate from more intense and spicy adult foods. Those foods might look a little different than our American stand-bys, but of course they exist. Everywhere.

There are no “kid foods” in Spain. I lived there for years and can attest to this.

https://spanishsabores.com/what-do-kids-eat-in-spain/

https://familylifeinspain.com/2014/05/spanish-food-for-children/

Here are “9 recipes with cheese for kids” from a parenting website based in Salamanca, Spain.

https://eresmama.com/5-recetas-con-queso-para-ninos/

Anonymous wrote:My two cents is that your kids eat a ton of sugar and hardly any protein.

Anonymous wrote:People are conflating "kid-friendly" foods with foods that are marketed and targeted at kids (or at parents who want to feed kids with minimal effort).

Serving rice and beans that are more mildly flavored to kids while the adults eat a spicier food with more components is not the same as just heating up some frozen nuggets or, oh my god, giving them a luncheable.

Yes, some kids are adventurous eaters and enjoy spicy foods. I know there are people who think these kids are made, not born, and to some degree that might be true. But I've also encountered families where one kid is adventurous and another is quite picky, and while no child has an identical experience as their sibling, I find it hard to believe that their parent's approach to food was so fundamentally different as to be the cause for this. There have also been studies that show pickiness in kids has a genetic component even when you control for things like what foods the child is offered. So while you may have kids who will eat anything you serve them, someone else might not, and that person still wants to serve their child a nutritious, well-rounded diet.

Thus: you can serve your kid healthy, kid-friendly foods. For a picky eater, this will often mean offering fewer combined foods (deconstructed everything), leaning more on fruits and legumes than vegetables (the cliche about kids not eating their vegetables is cliche for a reason), doing healthy versions of pancakes and muffins that have vegetables and fiber in them, etc. This doesn't mean just giving up and feeding your kid whatever they want, being a short-order cook, or feeding them unhealthy processed foods. It means accepting that your child is not going to eat certain things and making sure there are healthy alternatives they will eat available.

I also just question anyone who says things like "my kids eat what I eat" or "I don't give them the option" because I've had a kid who would happily go on a hunger strike to avoid eating foods that trigger her disgust impulses (which, for a time, included like 95% of all foods). I don't actually think you would starve a child like that rather than just going ahead and feeding the child something she will eat, especially if it's a healthy option. I think you just got fortunate in not having a child who'd rather go hungry than eat what you have served.

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Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am definitely not saying that everyone has to do it my way. I'm just saying that you never hear people say "just make your kids separate foods, its fine" and I have found it is fine.

But I've been told a million times, by pediatricians, teachers, friends, family, "Just feed them what you eat!" As though all kids just eat what adults eat no issue. But my kids have never done this, and when we've tried to do family dinners without substitutions, or even minimizing substitutions, it just leads to conflict. So I just decided that what matters is that they eat regularly healthy meals that hit all their nutritional needs, and it's not actually that important that they eat the exact same foods.

Obviously if your kid happily eats whatever you eat, this isn't an issue. But serving different food is way better than either arguing over eating the family meal or watching them eat the least nutritious version of that meal when there are plenty of nutritious foods they WILL eat.

People act like serving your kids "kid food" at a meal is a failure and it's really not. I personally think it would be a failure if my my kid was eating nothing but tortillas/rolls/bread/rice and milk for dinner every night, which is what would happen if I didn't offer an alternative to our adult foods.

How about the dozens if not hundreds of people who would say NOTHING TO YOU AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO RAISE YOUR KIDS, because we would never dream of offering unsolicited parenting advice! You haven’t heard “just do X” because real life is not DCUM, and well-mannered adults do what works for them, live their lives, and don’t offer advice unless specifically ASKED.

What are you talking about, people offer unsolicited parenting advice all the time. On DCUM a lot of the advice is actually solicited, even if it is also often rudely delivered. But this is neither here nor there on the question of whether you are required to feed your kids the food you yourself eat. This is a conversation, not a pissing match, and you are the one being rude by shouting in ALL CAPS. Dial it down.

I’ve heard at least a dozen of my friends complain about how their kids are picky eaters, often as an invitation to commiserate. I murmer along and kind of use my now-adult cousin as a point of reassurance, “The pickiest eater I’ve ever known is a Navy pilot!” That kind of thing. But unless I am pressed, I don’t offer that my kids have never been picky (though there are certainly some foods they prefer and others they will taste and try, but will not eat a full portion), because that’s not helpful and because I don’t need to make every conversation about me. And no, my friends and family don’t offer unsolicited advice; like, ever. Maybe my mom will occasionally say something borderline advice-y, but not my friends. It’s more like someone throws out a point of commiseration. If someone has a particular question, we will ask it, but that’s rare.

The point is, OP is acting like people have been withholding this secret point of advice because only she herself has worked out this amazing strategy, and…that just ain’t it. I don’t care what my friends’ kids’ eat, and I don’t care what OP’s kids eat. I just think it’s off-base for her to be essentially telling us all how her way is best. No thanks, I’m not a short-order cook. I make dinner, and my kids eat it. We don’t need OP’s “better” way.

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Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cultural. My husband and I come from different cultures, both without kids menus or special kids meals. Our kids eat everything and have since they were babies. Seafood, liver, kale, mushrooms, spicy food — they eat everything and will try anything. The key for us was 1) always serve a variety so they don’t get used to any one thing in those “picky” phases and 2) don’t give in to demands. When our oldest was one they would wail for pancakes sometimes. Nope. You eat what everyone eats. Eventually when they learned that after a week or so it never happened again. We also always served vegetables first and limited snacks.

Everywhere I’ve been, all over the globe, has “kid foods.” Japan, India, Germany, Colombia, Peru. Never have I seen anywhere a culture that doesn’t include a regular reliance on “kid friendly” options separate from more intense and spicy adult foods. Those foods might look a little different than our American stand-bys, but of course they exist. Everywhere.

There are no “kid foods” in Spain. I lived there for years and can attest to this.

https://spanishsabores.com/what-do-kids-eat-in-spain/

https://familylifeinspain.com/2014/05/spanish-food-for-children/

You think you’re disproving my point but your links actually support it. Yes, kid foods in other countries like Spain don’t look the same as in the US and the UK like rice with tomato sauce. And just like the US, kids often do eat what the adults are eating. But yes, parents include kid friendly foods separate from adult oriented foods when they have young kids. Just like literally the whole globe.

The links do not support your point. There are no equivalents to chicken nuggets and lunchables in Spain and people do not include “kid friendly food” separate from other food. Kids eat what adults eat.. That’s the point.

But I never said there’s an equivalent to chicken nuggets and Lunchables. In fact, what I said was, kid friendly options look different than ours. But every culture has kid friendly options that they serve to kids. They don’t just demand their kids eat full-spice kimchi. Like a PP above explains, parents rinse it to make it kid friendly.

That doesn't mean kids of all ages are expected to eat it instead of regular food. Again, there is breast milk in every culture, too.

Hoo boy you sure do love to move goalposts around, don’t you? I don’t recall OP saying people should offer a separate course of kid adjusted foods until the kids enter high school.

DH was raised in a south Asian culture and I was raised in Japanese culture. We raise our kids as is typical in those cultures—offering what we eat, without as much spice, while also making sure fairly bland carbs and proteins are on offer, along with lovely fresh fruits and vegetables. This is also what OP is saying, and what I see most Americans doing. Makes sense. Kids all over the world are the same. They don’t want a mouthful of wasabi and are slow to warm up to certain adult foods, while loving rice, bread, and things like chicken with teriyaki sauce (or ketchup).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am definitely not saying that everyone has to do it my way. I'm just saying that you never hear people say "just make your kids separate foods, its fine" and I have found it is fine.

But I've been told a million times, by pediatricians, teachers, friends, family, "Just feed them what you eat!" As though all kids just eat what adults eat no issue. But my kids have never done this, and when we've tried to do family dinners without substitutions, or even minimizing substitutions, it just leads to conflict. So I just decided that what matters is that they eat regularly healthy meals that hit all their nutritional needs, and it's not actually that important that they eat the exact same foods.

Obviously if your kid happily eats whatever you eat, this isn't an issue. But serving different food is way better than either arguing over eating the family meal or watching them eat the least nutritious version of that meal when there are plenty of nutritious foods they WILL eat.

People act like serving your kids "kid food" at a meal is a failure and it's really not. I personally think it would be a failure if my my kid was eating nothing but tortillas/rolls/bread/rice and milk for dinner every night, which is what would happen if I didn't offer an alternative to our adult foods.

How about the dozens if not hundreds of people who would say NOTHING TO YOU AT ALL ABOUT HOW TO RAISE YOUR KIDS, because we would never dream of offering unsolicited parenting advice! You haven’t heard “just do X” because real life is not DCUM, and well-mannered adults do what works for them, live their lives, and don’t offer advice unless specifically ASKED.

What are you talking about, people offer unsolicited parenting advice all the time. On DCUM a lot of the advice is actually solicited, even if it is also often rudely delivered. But this is neither here nor there on the question of whether you are required to feed your kids the food you yourself eat. This is a conversation, not a pissing match, and you are the one being rude by shouting in ALL CAPS. Dial it down.