Reply to Both my husband and I have no friends

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Well I join a lot of meetup groups for newcomers (even though I'm not a newcomer).  This makes it easier to find friends as everyone there wants to make friends.  At the events, I casually chat with other women to see who I have things in common with.  And if I chat with someone who seems nice and I do have things in common with, I extend an invitation for coffee, get their number, and set it up.

[b]But I don't know if I've ever felt a "spark" with another potential friend--yes, definitely later when I get to know them but not initially.  I wouldn't even know what that felt like.[/b][/quote]

IME, the bolded is the issue.  I meet plenty of people who seem nice and with whom I have things in common.  If I don’t feel that click, I don’t pursue beyond casual friendship.  Now, deeper friendship can evolve over time, but IME there are definitely friends with whom I’ve felt an instant connection.  Carolyn Hax once described it in dating as “easy, crackly conversation” and that’s exactly it.  Those are the ones to pursue as friends.  It’s a combination of connection and mutual desire to have a new friend.

Have you ever felt it?  When you were dating, even?  It requires you to be far more selective with friends than most people realize you need to be, but I’ve found it usually pans out.[/quote]

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