Reply to I want 19 year old daughter out of house, but she can't support herself

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Reply to "I want 19 year old daughter out of house, but she can't support herself - what to do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can't give up on your parental responsibilities just because you don't like what's happening. [b]No one said being a parent was easy but, nevertheless, it's your responsibility to take care of her.[/b] [/quote]

But she's an adult.  What if she's still like this at 26?  Am I obligated to have her live with us forever?[/quote]

No, but if you have been down this road with adhd diagnosis, executive functioning, etc. you know that kids with adhd mature slower. So, she will get there but just later. It could be 23-26!

I understand your frustration but you have many options:

If money not an issue then look at schools that have strong support systems for adhd students. Marshall University comes to mind but there are others.
Consider a 2- yr college that focuses on these issues. I cannot remember name but I heard of one in Oregon and Massachusetts- I think.

Sit down as a family or with a therapist and brainstorm other ideas- nanny, americorps, any part time job
Ask about a trade - hair stylist, pastry chef, florist, electrician
Ask about a certificate- web design, programming

Simply say…you can take a gap year but must work 30 hrs a week at target,  chick fil a, whatever and cut grass,make dinner 2x a week.

You have many options here. Be annoyed but as someone said earlier you don’t get to ( or should not) just stop parenting at 19. She needs your guidance.

I have a similar one. All those options discussed. they decided all paid college not so bad. Chose major they could handle, graduated in 4 yrs. We leveraged contacts for internships and first job as they were clueless. They needed/still need guidance.

Fortunately They want to launch and will soon ( now 23) but it takes work. The frustration, annoyance, and work we have done though is yielding results. They will launch and have an ok life. If we had given up at 19 they likely would  have always struggled and kept circling back. Do the work now with your dc and you should see results in a few years.

We absolutely got/ get frustrated but they did not chose to be born with this. My spouse had no idea what their issues had always been until we had dc. Then when diagnosed it was like a lightbulb of ..” oh, this is why xyz has always been hard, why I always felt like x.” I don’t understand as I do not have and am very high- functioning but this is a real thing and if one does not have support it would be a disaster.

Again, I know it’s hard. I really do but as my dh always said “ what do we hope/want for the 30 yr old larla/ larlo.” Keep your eye on the long game. Hugs.[/quote]

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