Reply to This is the first year in 13 years that I have completely dropped the rope with DH’s family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wonder if this is a generational thing. Millennial here - and I agree with the PP who said she does not recognize this dynamic in her marriage. For those in the thick of it, how does it begin? I am newly (ish) married, and I guess I just can’t imagine my in laws calling me instead of their son (my DH) to plan things, even though we are really close. So, my question is, how does this dynamic develop in a family? [/quote]

I’m Gen X. My husband is 55. He has always handled everything with his family. And he is really good at it. He is generally more thoughtful than I am when it comes to gift giving, etc. He is also just really close with his family — my family is more complicated and not as close. His family is an hour away and we see them once or twice a month. But the reality is that this is unusual. For many generations, the expectation was that the wife managed the family/home front. And this still exists as shown in a boatload of studies about what division of labor looks like. It starts with your MIL calling the “new wife” to organize the holidays. It starts with women doing all the Xmas shopping. It starts with the idea that the mom controls access to the kids. I know so many in the grandparent generation (varying from being in their 50s-80s) that completely blame the wife if they don’t get enough phone calls from their sons, etc. I usually gently call them out on it, but they don’t change their minds.

This may be getting better, but it still exists for many families.[/quote]

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