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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

OP here. We do not want a nanny share. We do not the idea of another kids and dealing with other parents who will be employers. My wife is fully against this.

I’m not saying she can’t spend money. I just don’t think she needs everything she has now.

We have

Hello Fresh 
Freshly 
Daily Harvest 
Butcher Box

[b]She gets weekly massages + facials, nails done every two weeks, hair every 6 weeks, and a gym membership[/b] that she hasn’t gone to since she gave birth.

I don’t mind the gym membership, nails, hair cut, etc., but I think she can scale the massages and facials back to twice or once a month and get rid of some of these meals services. We spend about $1000/month on food services on top of groceries. 
[/quote]

I am a SAHM of kid that are now older.  First, OP I think you are not being unreasonable.  Many posters who post questions like this are unreasonable, and it is nice that you are trying to strike a balance and be understanding.

I think you need to sit with her and say you are supportive of staying home and that is great, but you need to tell her the total amount per month and then PER YEAR of those food subscriptions, facials, and massages.  She needs to see (in a calm and understanding way the grand totals).  I would start conversation saying you support continuing hair and one or two food subscriptions so she doesn't think you are trying to cut off everything.  You said you do the cooking, so I would have her eliminate two food subscriptions to start.  Hair every 6 weeks is not crazy (that is what I do), gym makes sense if she actually returns- she should make sure it is one with child care.  A weekly facial is extreme- I live in a nice suburb with some fancy friends, and I don't know anyone who does this!  Maybe scale back to a facial every 3-4 months.  She can get some nice at home products for cheaper. 
 Massage every other week or every three weeks (that can be good post baby, so maybe not eliminate entirely).  Then see where the math is at.

The other thing no one has mentioned- is WHO IS WATCHING THE BABY WHEN SHE GOES ALL THESE PLACES??  When my first was 8 months old, I got a babysitter for a few hours once a week so I could go to appointments and have some free time.  That costs extra money too.

Finally, kids are most expensive when they are babies AND older.  The cheapest years are K-3rd (assuming public school).  I know many parents who stopped working when kids got older because part time was tough, and kids needed more help after school/vacations/appointments when they are older.  Older elementary and up activities are more expensive (depending on what they do - travel sports, speciality activities, dance, etc).  They do things more days of the week.  Kids may need tutor/therapist etc - you have no idea of knowing this when they are young.  Camps.   They have many days off school and vacations, so working parents need coverage for that.  Staying home allows me the flexibility to be home when they are sick/have days off or have appointments, I'm here to drive them around to all their after school activities.  But I (and DH) also don't stress over me grabbing Starbucks or lunch out every once in a while.

It sounds like you have savings and you both like the idea of her staying home- which is a hurdle not every couple agrees on.  You just need to be able to have a calm discussion on the details, where she does not feel like she is being given a budget, but rather you explain that for her to stay home, the family needs to scale back on some fixed expenses.

[/quote][/quote]

You think she will stop this once she is a SAHM? That's hilarious. 
[/quote]

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