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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm really sorry you are going through this. I don't have personal experience but I noticed in one of your first posts that you said you don't have kids with him "yet*. Please think about whether he is someone you want to have kids with. The sleeplessness, stress, and other challenges that go in hand with having kids...when the alcoholism is not under complete and utter control.  You deserve better.

[/quote]

Not to mention watching your children become addicts themselves.

OP, I have been so impressed with the emotional intelligence shown in all your posts, but you should not be blaming yourself for "setting him up" and whatnot.  You could be "perfect" in your approach -- whatever that means, and an impossible standard for a mere mortal -- and he would still be an alcoholic scheming to skirt the rules.

I'm currently dealing with a similar frustration of setting boundaries, DH breaking them, me forgiving him and lowering my expectations (at the expense of my pride), and then DH breaking those too.  And yet I still have hope of him having a eureka moment and turning it all around.  I know it's untenable, and yet I'm not emotionally ready to lose him.  So I empathize and ache for you.  But you won't find any school of thought that says alcoholics can drink in moderation just fine.[/quote]

+1.

OP, do consider yourself and what you want out of life. Until your DH admits to having a problem and proactively pursuing rehab, complete sober living, etc. things are not likely to change. You can have all the love and empathy in the world for him, but he has to be the one to accept reality and figure this out. Yes, he was dealt a bad hand, but it is not your problem to solve. In fact, you alone cannot solve it, it HAS to come from him, and then you can support his sober efforts. However, it sounds like he is still in major denial. Alcoholics are selfish and can wreck havoc on your well being. Not intentionally, mind you, but they will, particularly if they're in denial about it. You have to figure out what you can live with, what you want for yourself. Don't give up what you want out of life or in a marriage/partner in the hopes that he gets it together. I suspect a therapist would tell you something similar.

Good luck, OP.[/quote]

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