Reply to Middle-aged single men: what are you relationships with 20-something women like?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In my early 20s I dated several men in their late 30s and early  40s. 
What do we talk about? Men love to talk about themselves, so I learned a lot of career advice, investing advice, how to order wine at fancy restaurants, how to work a room and network at their corporate events. I got a glimpse of my life 15 years in the future and it served me well early in my career. 
What do you do besides dinner and sex? Go to the movies and concerts, go hiking, go to a winery or a museum. All the things I did on dates with men my own age. 
Do they hang out with your friends? No.[b] You can take a 24 yr old to a cocktail party, but you can’t take a man with gray hair to a kegger.[/b]

I never dated guys with kids, so they were more like the Peter Pan types who haven’t settled down. It’s fun when you also don’t want to settle down. Once I was ready to get married, I dated guys my own age. [/quote]

I'm married to an older man (10 yr difference) and my younger friends never felt fully comfortable with DH.  It sucks also because the women married to his friends viewed me as a threat, in some respects, so it has been hard to find couples to hang out with.[/quote]

This part of an age-gap relationship got better for me over time but I still have more girlfriends and few couple friends, although I think I like it better this way.  I fell for an older man in my twenties because I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone my own age who was extremely irresponsible and immature and it felt great to be with someone who was literally the exact opposite: established, organized, emotionally mature, dependable, and also objectively looks much younger than his age, even now.  At the time and even now I downplayed our age difference because of how I feel with him.  He also wasn't serially dating younger women nor was I serially dating older men.  [/quote]

You're lucky.  Problem is when your friends prefer couple activities and there is awkwardness with your DH due to age.  I have ended up kind of lonely as a result.  In this post-pandemic time, I'm making a concerted effort to create my own social life. I wish my DH and I had more couple socializing options, and I am still trying to make that happen more than it does.  Wish I could view it as positively as you do.[/quote]

I'm the PP and I definitely still relate.   I have felt depressed about not having couples friends at different times.  We have some couple friends, but those friendships are shallow and usually more work-related than social.  We don't vacation with other families, for example.   I have worked over the past few years to make more girlfriends who share my interests - book club, running group, friends that I play other sports with, connecting with friends from school for girls' trips, and sister/mom trips.  DH also tries really hard to hang with people closer to my age since those are the age of our kids' friends parents, and they are open to it but I don't see them forming close bonds.  We recently bought a boat and tried to go out once a week with another couple or family all summer, which was fun and I hope it built up some social capital. [/quote]

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