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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"I think we are all biologically programmed to find our own kids stunning but by elementary school you will be able to tell if your kids are objectively good looking because they will be generally be the kids that other kids are drawn too. I have seen this play out time again with my kids and their friends (my kids are not the stunners) and as a teacher. Popular kids are almost always good looking. If you take a grade of 100 elementary kids, I think most of us can pick out the 1 or 2 who are head turners. The rest are all variations of "nice looking" but are fairly interchangeable. But there are are always 1/100 or so that are like "wow, she/he is stunning".

By middle school looks definitely correlate with social cred. 100%. People are drawn to attractive people."

It's painful to acknowledge this, but it's so true. And to make it even worse, people assume that the good looking people are smarter and more talented than they actually are. I'm convinced my kid got into better colleges than he otherwise would have because of the Zoom interviews he did.

It's not just the objective looks, it's all the confidence that comes from a lifetime of having people respond positively to you because you're cute or pretty or handsome or beautiful. [/quote]

Eh. My DH and I were *just* talking about how foggy-brained middle schoolers and high schoolers are about beauty. If you are an objectively stunning 14 year old, but nerdy, you simply won’t have the reputation of being “hot” like the sunny-dispositioned cheerleader type . Self perception influences others perception. 
[/quote]

Whatever makes you sleep better at night [/quote]

I agree with the PP.  When I looked back at my middle school yearbook I couldn't believe who were the kids that were teased vs the popular ones, and who the "hot" ones that people wanted to date were.  It was so much more about charisma at that age.  Which is hard if you're nerdy or not totally mainstream and bubbly, but reassuring in that tweens/teens aren't as superficial into looks as maybe we sometimes think they are.[/quote]

Agree with this. The most important stuff as to whether a middle school girl is considered attractive are:

- Pierced ears
- The right clothes
- "Adult" haircuts, getting highlights
- Clear skin (which I guess is a function of natural beauty, but some people have access to dermatologists and others don't)
- Going through puberty at the right time (not too early and not too late) so you start to look more grown up before other girls but don't have big boobs too early, as that will get you teased and treated differently.

Actual natural beauty counts, but not as much as this other stuff at that age. Like a homely girl who has access to all of the above will be considered cute and be popular, and a naturally pretty girl who doesn't have any of it except clear skin might be considered weird and uncool. It literally takes a couple years for those kids to look at her and go "oh wait, Lucy has really pretty hair and eyes and a nice face."

Kids who go through puberty late definitely get overlooked in middle school and then can really come into their own in high school. Meanwhile, girls who go through puberty early get a lot of attention, and most of it is unwanted.

The idea that middle school kids are good arbiters of attractiveness is absurd. That age is the craziest and the cruelest of childhood, but it is not known for being rational or objective.[/quote]

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