Reply to 24 year old DD angry at her dad post-divorce

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There is clearly more to this and he took the blame for the divorce.   You need to help fix this. [/quote]

Did he take the blame, or was his ego so fragile tha5 he couldn’t cope with people knowing he’d been dumped?[/quote]

Wow, she should have taken responsibility, did not and he played nice guy and still gets crapped on. [/quote]

Sounds like OP is letting the Ex take the fall in all this. That doesn't seem fair. She knows her daughter doesn't have all the info but seems content to wash her hands of the mess she created. [/quote]

Doesn't seem fair to whom?

The only 2 people who need fairness here are OP and her ex. He is okay with the narrative they gave her. OP can try to convince him to change it, but it is not unfair if that is what they want. The daughter needs some consideration but it's nothing close to fairness.

This is an adult child we are talking about. Her parents don't owe her an everlasting marriage. They did their best. She needs to grow up and deal.

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I agree with you in the sense that OP's daughter should seek out talk therapy to navigate these feelings. She is an adult and has to manage her own feelings and relationships. BUT I know 3 adult women well whose parents divorced when they were in college (or just out). These were all low conflict marriages/divorces, so they were completely blindsided. They still have issues with their parents, even into their 40s. I think once your kids are older teens and you are thinking of divorcing it is probably best to start subtly letting your adult kids know you aren't happy in the marriage so they won't be blindsided. These 3 are also people who always romanticized their family of origin and growing up. It must be a personality type that is susceptible to this, but it does seem to be fairly common.
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