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[quote=Anonymous]I'm so sorry OP.

First, just put on your oxygen mask. Make sure you are eating, sleeping, and staying hydrated. Foist childcare onto your DH or a babysitter. Take care of you.

Yeah, you don't want to tell EVERYONE, but as a betrayed wife myself, let me just say that it's BS that we're supposed to keep this a secret. Tell your best friend; tell your sister. You will need them. They will love and forgive your DH if you decide to. IF.

If OW has a husband, tell him. But I'm guessing she doesn't if she thinks this Hail Mary will score her your cheating husband. Maybe she left hers at the beginning of the affair? And now she's got a cost sunk thing going on? IDK, just guesses. We need more info to give better advice.

As for your DH, a lot depends on how he is acting now. Is he remorseful? Did he end it with her and now she's gone bunny boiler? Or is he blame-y and whiney and trying to shut down your questions and pain? Or have you not confronted him yet?

You don't need to make any decisions right now. You can separate, or not. You can ask him to stay with his mom or a friend, or not. See a lawyer. Get an STI panel. Take care of yourself (I signed myself up for monthly massages right after DDay, and I still go today, 7 years later . . . take care of you). Prioritize individual counseling for you both before marital counseling . . . too often you get a therapist trying to make everything 50/50 rather than treating an affair like the abusive trauma that it is.

You WILL get through this. You will be happy again. Deep breaths, and one step at a time. . . .[/quote]

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