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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]^^^ The “low success rate” of an open marriage is actually waaay higher than their status quo of sexless (which has a 100% failure rate).[/quote]

First, this is not true. Many marriages become sexless after a certain age and plenty of them are successful in that the partners remain committed and in love, and they stay married. It's really common for sex to taper off in your 40s and dry up altogether by 55 or 60. "Sexless" does not mean "no intimacy, no affection." Some people just kind of retire from sex.

There are also people who have little to no libido and find a partner who has the same. And they can have happy sexless or almost sexless marriages even if they are younger. If it's a mismatch, of course, it won't work. But we don't know how OP's DH feels. He apparently hasn't said anything about the current total lack of sex, which is interesting to me. Most people who want sex and aren't getting it will start co speak up, will initiate sex and get frustrated about being rebuffed, etc. If this is a priority for OP's DH, it's interesting to me that he's being silent about it (maybe he's cheating, but if he went to that before talking to his spouse, the real problem in their marriage is inability to communicate, more than lack of sex).

But in both the above scenarios, the couple is on the same page and wants the same things. And the same is true for any successful open marriage -- you need to be in agreement. Otherwise there will be resentment, jealousy, etc.

Which is why the real issue here is not actually sex or lack of it. It's that OP and her husband appear to be out of sync on what they want out of marriage, and aren't talking about it. They don't need advice on open marriages. They need couples counseling and to TALK TO EACH OTHER. Start there. Anything else is a recipe for disaster at this point, including a "hall pass" or opening up the marriage.[/quote]

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