Reply to MIL Changing Plans to See Favorite Grandchild

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[quote=Anonymous]Brunch was lovely, and MIL did not stop by.

Yes, this is a conflict with my husband, and we have been working it for years. It's probably our biggest conflict, and he does struggle with wanting to please his parents. Fortunately, my kids don't live with us full time now, and her reasons for visits have diminished greatly. When the kids were younger, I realized that my tolerance for her boundary-crossing was just lower than his. Generally, if I shut up, he would get there with her on his own (shutting down some plans). As we've gotten older, I've realized too that he doesn't want to own what he wants and ask for it. For example, he needs to say, "Yes, I would like them to stop by, I want to see them." He used to assume that I knew what he wanted, but I don't. But even when we both didn't, it was really tough for him to be firm, and I wanted him to take that role.

My MIL is careful not to cross the line on favoritism on gifts, money, etc. But it is her devotion and emotion towards my son that is apparent to everyone. We have discussed it with my daughter, because I think it is awful. Her grandmother does love her too, but it's apparent to everyone, son, cousins, etc., what the story is. She'd get teary-eyed, for example, when my son was in high school and something came up where he couldn't be at home when she was visiting, but seemingly didn't care if the situation were reversed and my daughter couldn't make it, etc. [/quote]

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