Reply to MIL Changing Plans to See Favorite Grandchild

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You DO understand that you have to actually make a concerted family effort to hide info from your MIL?

You complain that it's hard, but that's what it takes, duh. 
[/quote]

Actually it does take concerted effort to hide info from people like OPs MIL. It is normal in casual conversation to answer questions. If any of my friends, neighbors, co workers or normal family members asked casually when my kid was coming through town or when I would see them .I could answer without concern that they would demand to be included. I’ve had a pushy relative try to pull this crap on us too. We stopped giving information so she started badgering the kids. We had to block her on their phones. She then started grilling other relatives to see if they had seen or talked to us lately and what we were doing. If she got even a nugget, she would quickly try to inject herself. We had to go completely no contact.

OP’s MIL is the type that fishes for info. She isn’t making casual conversation and she’s injecting herself where she isn’t wanted.

I don’t get the impression that OP wants her son to only to herself. She simply doesn’t want an obnoxious pushy old woman taking over the short time she has to see him.

Regardless MIL wasn’t invited and I’m passing through is not a legitimate reason to include her when she isn’t wanted. [/quote]

Yes, to all of this. I have a mil who does this. At first I thought I was nuts but as I started paying attention I noticed every time we spoke or saw each other it was like she was doing a play by play of our schedule recently and upcoming. Anything she realized she had missed she would comment how she would have come if we had just told her, and anything coming up she would try and schedule in before the end of the conversation. It is so stressful to have a a conversation with her and almost impossible to relax because without some level of vigilance I find myself roped into something new or owing her a response on an invitation. Saying no feels terrible even though I do it because she somehow corners the question so saying no feels so rude. I just started distancing myself because I don’t know what else to do. We’ve explained it to her and she has curtailed some behaviors like asking our kids directly for commitments, but it’s like she is programmed this way or something.

Would love to hear suggestions if anyone has btdt[/quote]

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