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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s a tough question, OP. I was married 17 years and blindsided by my ex’s affair. Yes, blindsided. For those who don’t think it is possible to truly be blindsided, well, you are lucky to have not had that experience because it does a real number on your mental state.

I won’t say I regret the divorce, but I do regret the impact it all had on our children. And I do think if Looking back (I’m 5+ years out from divorce) I can much better understand how my marriage broke down and see that it was completely fixable.

I regret that divorce meant I lose half my time with my children.  
I regret that my ex’s affair resulted in the break up of two families, totaling 5 children. 
I regret that my kids were old enough to remember Daddy’s new girlfriend was his admin assistant, and figure out that the timeline didn’t add up. 
I regret that my ex insisted on keeping our kids and her kids in the same custody schedule, so as to maximize their kid free time after they moved in together. 
I regret that my formerly easygoing and happy son attempted suicide twice within the first 6 months of his dad moving in with his affair partner.

I do think our issues were fixable and could have avoided all of those issues.  But I’m also much happier with my life as a single mom than I was when I was married. I love that I’m in charge of my own destiny, that I don’t have to coddle a man-child who is literally incapable of expressing his feelings, yet resents me for not reading his mind. I love my dating life, my time with my kids, and my unfiltered, Uncompromised  version of 100% ME that I now get to be and share with my kids.

[/quote]

I’m so sorry.  I get it all too well.  I was totally blindsided, as was everyone who knew him closely.

It’s heart breaking to read how it affected your kids.

The mental issues that happen with the blind side are so awful because your reality is so distorted.  It literally hurts your brain to not trust anything is real ever after.

Best of luck.[/quote]

As a society, we are terrible at dealing with issues within a marriage on so many levels. I'm so sorry this happened to both of you. I have been very tempted by potential affairs but have been able to resist by focusing on the fallout of these things on kids especially, and I appreciate your sharing your stories. :([/quote]

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