Reply to S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?

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Reply to "S/O What Do You Expect Your Sex-Starved Spouse to Do?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not that interested in sex. I would love to know that we could hug and cuddle and but whenever we do he gets revved up. I guess I'm glad that he still wants to have sex but it is a burden.  If it could be a quick 15 minute affair then I could go for it but he wants long drawn out episodes. Frankly, I'm too tired.  [/quote]

Long poster back. This post could have been me prior to my husband's cheating episode. Seeing his advances as a burden, as one more thing on the long list of things to do and people who want something from me. If sex is something important to your husband, I STRONGLY suggest ou figure out a way to get over this "your physical advances are annoying to me" attitude and figure out a way (together I mean - talk to him) for you to see him as a place of comfort and fun and good feelings instead of another person who is demanding more than you can give. The only thing that woke ME up to this realization was him looking elsewhere. [/quote]

This is so very true, and I am glad I learned it early on in my relationship so I could hopefully avoid a bad situation. However, I still get annoyed at the perception that the preferences of the higher desire spouse should always be the most important. Youhave to compromise to make sure sex is good for the lower desire partner. I want it about 2x per week, and having to have sex every day would ruin the build up for me.  You have to meet in the middle. Nobody's sexual "needs" take priority.[/quote]

Totally agree. I think I talked about this a little in a previous post, but this is something we've both had to work on. I, for example, know that I really do enjoy the sex as soon as I get started. So I've worked on initiating or going along with it for those first 5 mins and them I'm like this is great!  I've had to work on giving him more daily affection when that's not my normal inclination. It just doesn't occur to me. He, for his part, has committed to working on not feeling rejected if I do tell him I need alone time, making sure he's contributed enough so that I can relax, and focusing on making me feel sexy and beautiful with compliments, etc (which sounds cliche, but it's hard to feel sexy when you're mothering young kids as we all know). He makes an effort to TELL me I look hot instead of just coming up to kiss me, etc. anyway my point is we have both made a sincere effort to learn about each other and accept our differences. [/quote]

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