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[quote=Anonymous]I took a year long leave and my baby was not go with the flow at all. She went through this awful 6 week period of colic and acid reflux as an infant that was absolutely exhausting -- I was so sleep deprived and also just feeling like a failure because it felt like nothing I did made it better. The pediatrician kept reassuring me that this was a problem that tends to resolve itself and she was right. It just doesn't feel that way in the moment because 6 week is an eternity with an infant.

She was also an early roller/crawler/walker, so I had one of those babies who was always on the move and getting into things. My closest mom friend with a same age baby had the opposite -- her baby crawled and walked late and really was "go with the flow". I remember going out with them and I'd be chasing my kid all over creating the whole time while my friend just sat with her DC in her lap quietly playing with the same toy for an hour. I was so jealous!

Having said that, I loved my leave. Yes my kid was challenging, but she would have been challenging if I'd been working too. Like how does going back to work when your child isn't sleeping and is fussing all the time make it better? It doesn't. I was really grateful for the time to get to know my very spirited, adventurous, sometimes challenging but also really rewarding baby, and to really figure out how to approach parenting her.

I think at the end of the day, whether you like a long leave or not is entirely dependent on you, more than your baby. Some people get bored, miss being around other adults, and just need a break from the relentlessness of mothering. Totally fair. Some people really love their jobs and/or their work environments and look forward to getting back to them even if they love being with their baby. Some people, obviously, just cannot afford to take an extended leave for any number of reasons. All totally legitimate! I have lots of good friends who thought I was nuts for taking so long and were saying things to me at 6 mo and 9 mo like "oh my gosh, you must be so bored, I bet you can't wait to get back to work." But truly that's not how I felt. I loved the slower pace, I loved the increased alone time. Different strokes for different folks.

My DH took a long paternity leave by US standards, btw (8 weeks -- his employer is generous) and he was in the "this is boring" camp. And he actually enjoyed a lot of the baby care! But he's just used to being in a busy office where something is always happening, and I think benefits greatly from being out of the house for 8+ hours a day (this became an issue during Covid WFH as well). It's normal and fine! Zero judgement from me. He's a great dad and his not wanting to be home for months with a newborn doesn't change that.

But I hate the "you're going to hate it, it's going to be awful, you're being naive" comments because you are trying to universalize an experience that is individual. Let OP figure it out on her own. It's even okay if she tries it and discovers it's not for her and she goes back to school earlier. That doesn't mean she made a mistake or didn't listen. It means she tried something different and then adjusted when it wasn't right. That right there is parenting. There is no one path and being willing to try something that sounds like it might be right for your family and then adjust as needed is a great approach.

Enjoy your leave, OP![/quote]

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