Just finishing up 6 months of maternity leave. I could have never left my daughter when she was younger, but at the same time, so ready to be back at work. I’d recommend sorting out clear parenting duties with your husband so that you maintain some adult sanity and have time to yourself. I’d also set hobby goals/activities for yourself once your kid gets to be a few months old—nothing too demanding, just stuff you like in addition to your baby.

Anonymous wrote:I’m taking a break in my graduate program and will be home with my baby for a full year. Any helpful hints or suggestions from those lucky enough to do this? DH will be taking his paternity and vacation and be home the first nine weeks too.

We will be first time parents.

Thank you!

I think you have managed to rub the faces of most other women with your bragging. Bully for you but you know that very few women get even six months maternity leave and it is hateful and hurtful for you to come on here bragging.

FWIW, I am long past having babies and I was lucky enough that my DH made enough money for me to be a SAHM. All women should have 6 months paid maternity leave but until this country recognizes and values the work of women, it won't happen but none of these women need your "ha, ha. I get a year of maternity leave and you get 6 weeks.!

Anonymous wrote:Have you spent significant time with young kids? Sounds kind of torturous to me.

Wow what a bizarre post

Months 0-2: Line up all the help you possibly can, you'll be in survival mode
Months 3-5: Focus on getting the baby set up with good sleep habits. Nudge baby to a predictable nap schedule. A baby on a predictable schedule makes it easy to plan activities later.
Months 6 & up: start with the mommy & me classes. Find a gym with child care so that you can drop the kid off and get a workout in. Have fun getting your kid to try new foods. Plan lunch outings with friends, even with baby in tow.
Months 11-12: Consider going back to work very part-time, to make the transition to work easier

I took a year long leave and my baby was not go with the flow at all. She went through this awful 6 week period of colic and acid reflux as an infant that was absolutely exhausting -- I was so sleep deprived and also just feeling like a failure because it felt like nothing I did made it better. The pediatrician kept reassuring me that this was a problem that tends to resolve itself and she was right. It just doesn't feel that way in the moment because 6 week is an eternity with an infant.

She was also an early roller/crawler/walker, so I had one of those babies who was always on the move and getting into things. My closest mom friend with a same age baby had the opposite -- her baby crawled and walked late and really was "go with the flow". I remember going out with them and I'd be chasing my kid all over creating the whole time while my friend just sat with her DC in her lap quietly playing with the same toy for an hour. I was so jealous!

Having said that, I loved my leave. Yes my kid was challenging, but she would have been challenging if I'd been working too. Like how does going back to work when your child isn't sleeping and is fussing all the time make it better? It doesn't. I was really grateful for the time to get to know my very spirited, adventurous, sometimes challenging but also really rewarding baby, and to really figure out how to approach parenting her.

I think at the end of the day, whether you like a long leave or not is entirely dependent on you, more than your baby. Some people get bored, miss being around other adults, and just need a break from the relentlessness of mothering. Totally fair. Some people really love their jobs and/or their work environments and look forward to getting back to them even if they love being with their baby. Some people, obviously, just cannot afford to take an extended leave for any number of reasons. All totally legitimate! I have lots of good friends who thought I was nuts for taking so long and were saying things to me at 6 mo and 9 mo like "oh my gosh, you must be so bored, I bet you can't wait to get back to work." But truly that's not how I felt. I loved the slower pace, I loved the increased alone time. Different strokes for different folks.

My DH took a long paternity leave by US standards, btw (8 weeks -- his employer is generous) and he was in the "this is boring" camp. And he actually enjoyed a lot of the baby care! But he's just used to being in a busy office where something is always happening, and I think benefits greatly from being out of the house for 8+ hours a day (this became an issue during Covid WFH as well). It's normal and fine! Zero judgement from me. He's a great dad and his not wanting to be home for months with a newborn doesn't change that.

But I hate the "you're going to hate it, it's going to be awful, you're being naive" comments because you are trying to universalize an experience that is individual. Let OP figure it out on her own. It's even okay if she tries it and discovers it's not for her and she goes back to school earlier. That doesn't mean she made a mistake or didn't listen. It means she tried something different and then adjusted when it wasn't right. That right there is parenting. There is no one path and being willing to try something that sounds like it might be right for your family and then adjust as needed is a great approach.

Enjoy your leave, OP!

Anonymous wrote:The more negative response are likely from people with tougher babies (so you have to be extremely rigid about napping on time in a crib, you have to have them in a quiet boring spot to feed, they get grouchy in carriers, and scream their heads off in they’re over something). Maternity leave with this type of babies isn’t fun - you can’t do much, it’s very isolating, it’s too stressful to meet a friend for lunch just to not able to finish a sentence and inhale your food etc

If you have a go with the flow baby of course it’s great if you can basically do whatever you want with baby strapped on or passed to a friend or flexible with a baby sitter or gym childcare or whatever. It’s amazing not living in fear that you’re going to mess up night sleep even more and end up even more exhausted just because they’re napping on the go

I had one of each. You don’t “make” your babies relaxed or high strung, they just are. I too patted myself on the back for all the good things about myself thinking I had done all the right things to make those parts of him so good, then I got kicked on my ass and very humbled by my second

So OP - you may love it, you may hate it, you may have tons of fun or live constantly on the clock to ensure baby can be down exactly on time, just go into it knowing it can go lots of different ways and don’t feel like you’re somehow messing up if you can’t frolic around museums and lunch with friends all day

I didn’t have a difficult baby, but I was insistent on keeping to a schedule and prioritizing naps. It paid off as we improved sleep over time and I had a baby STTN around 4 months. Anecdotally, my mom friends who just took their babies wherever and had them go with the flow, didn’t have as easy of a time with sleep. So some of the ability to freely leave your house might depend on how you feel about sleep and schedules.

Anonymous wrote:The more negative response are likely from people with tougher babies (so you have to be extremely rigid about napping on time in a crib, you have to have them in a quiet boring spot to feed, they get grouchy in carriers, and scream their heads off in they’re over something). Maternity leave with this type of babies isn’t fun - you can’t do much, it’s very isolating, it’s too stressful to meet a friend for lunch just to not able to finish a sentence and inhale your food etc

If you have a go with the flow baby of course it’s great if you can basically do whatever you want with baby strapped on or passed to a friend or flexible with a baby sitter or gym childcare or whatever. It’s amazing not living in fear that you’re going to mess up night sleep even more and end up even more exhausted just because they’re napping on the go

I had one of each. You don’t “make” your babies relaxed or high strung, they just are. I too patted myself on the back for all the good things about myself thinking I had done all the right things to make those parts of him so good, then I got kicked on my ass and very humbled by my second

So OP - you may love it, you may hate it, you may have tons of fun or live constantly on the clock to ensure baby can be down exactly on time, just go into it knowing it can go lots of different ways and don’t feel like you’re somehow messing up if you can’t frolic around museums and lunch with friends all day

Same thought process here. OP if you have a colicky or high needs baby then it will look a bit different then the oh we hiked and had lunch dates group. I think my baby and I would have fared better if I did have maternity leave but I wouldnt have been able to be alone with him all day. I went back to work PT (10hrs/week) at 4 weeks, working from home while being solo with a baby. My baby could not be in the car until 4/5 months without screaming the entire time. At all. He had really bad reflux, laryngomalacia and CMPI (undiagnosed at that time)- actually stopped breathing on the way home from my 6 week ob check.
I wish I had the 1 year maternity leave so I could have a break to recoup and chill out. To take naps when he did and take walks/explore. The first year was extremely difficult and I think having to work somedays saved me and other days made it much worse.

Im extremely jealous and you should take this time to heal. Make sure you have lots of support and help. Find some mommy and me groups, a favorite trail, some good books. Keep things low-key and if you have the funds, get a babysitter after a few months so you can do something completely on your own. Have a routine but not a schedule.

Also your maternity leave is not a good reason for Dad to check out. He should have solo time with your child in the evenings or early mornings.

I only had four months, so not sure how useful my advice is, but the one thing I wish I had done is kept up just a little with my professional field. Maybe not immediately, but at least after a couple of months. I found it really hard to switch that part of my brain back on. Like I remember the first day sitting in my office getting a headache just from trying to read lengthy documents on a computer. That is not at all to denigrate taking a full year off - I think that sounds great - just throwing that out there as something that came as a surprise to me.

The more negative response are likely from people with tougher babies (so you have to be extremely rigid about napping on time in a crib, you have to have them in a quiet boring spot to feed, they get grouchy in carriers, and scream their heads off in they’re over something). Maternity leave with this type of babies isn’t fun - you can’t do much, it’s very isolating, it’s too stressful to meet a friend for lunch just to not able to finish a sentence and inhale your food etc

If you have a go with the flow baby of course it’s great if you can basically do whatever you want with baby strapped on or passed to a friend or flexible with a baby sitter or gym childcare or whatever. It’s amazing not living in fear that you’re going to mess up night sleep even more and end up even more exhausted just because they’re napping on the go

I had one of each. You don’t “make” your babies relaxed or high strung, they just are. I too patted myself on the back for all the good things about myself thinking I had done all the right things to make those parts of him so good, then I got kicked on my ass and very humbled by my second

So OP - you may love it, you may hate it, you may have tons of fun or live constantly on the clock to ensure baby can be down exactly on time, just go into it knowing it can go lots of different ways and don’t feel like you’re somehow messing up if you can’t frolic around museums and lunch with friends all day

NP, haven't read each of the responses, but for people poo-pooing the "negative" responses and noting that they aren't helpful, I actually disagree. I think these perspectives are helpful in the sense that OP understands and is prepared that this year of time home with baby might not be as enjoyable as she anticipated, and that it's okay if that is her experience. I was somewhat surprised that I did not enjoy the newborn stage, was excited to return to work, and found weekends a bit exhausting with a baby. I love babies and children, I absolutely adore my own child, and I anticipated that I would enjoy this time and dread returning to work. That was not my experience and I felt guilty that I did not have that experience. When I talk to other moms who adore their children, but didn't enjoy the newborn stage and were happy to return to work, this helps normalize it.

OP, this time can be lonely, isolating, monotonous, and tiring. Yes, it can also be wonderful, fun, special, etc., but just know the good and the bad. I agree on getting some babysitting help occasionally and finding some friends to see while on leave! Getting out of the house can feel really challenging, depending on you and your baby, but it gets easier with experience. Also, make sure that your partner is still helpful and you discuss the division of labor, even though you will be home. Having a baby can be hard on a relationship, and having one parent as the caretaker can be even more stressful. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not sure what is going on with all of these people who describe being with their own baby for a year as boring, tortuous, etc. I loved the time, and you shouldn't get bored, since you can just strap the baby in a carrier and go hiking, to museums, meet friends for lunch, etc. etc.
It's not exactly the same, but I had my first partway through my doctorate. I had completed by coursework but still had to finish running my experiments and write my dissertation. I remained enrolled... the first few months, I worked whenever the baby napped, or while he played, and after he went to bed. I used babysitters for a few hours at a time starting when the baby was 7-8 months old, when I needed to be on campus running experiments. But I managed to graduate when he was about 2 with very limited childcare and lots of time with my kid.
One thing I will say: a year will go by really, really fast, so be prepared for that, and enjoy the time. Good luck!

PP who was bored. It was the worst of "lockdown" Covid and I was very cautious at the time. Esp before we had data on how safe outdoor stuff is.

So you were bored because of COVID/lockdown, not because of the baby. You likely would have been even more bored without the baby.

Only advice is to enjoy your peace and quiet now. You’ll never get it back. Also being home 24/7 caring for a child is really exhausting esp at the beginning so arrange for as much support as you are able… family, friends, nanny, babysitter etc.

I took off the first 10 months with my oldest before I went back to grad school for a career change, and while I cherish the memories and time I had with her (which I didn’t have with my second), when you are going through it the saying ‘the days are long but the years are short’ is spot on.

It’s also really boring after awhile so once you’ve recovered from giving birth and sleep deprivation, join lots of mommy groups and get yourself a weekly and daily schedule to help pass the time .

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm not sure what is going on with all of these people who describe being with their own baby for a year as boring, tortuous, etc. I loved the time, and you shouldn't get bored, since you can just strap the baby in a carrier and go hiking, to museums, meet friends for lunch, etc. etc.
It's not exactly the same, but I had my first partway through my doctorate. I had completed by coursework but still had to finish running my experiments and write my dissertation. I remained enrolled... the first few months, I worked whenever the baby napped, or while he played, and after he went to bed. I used babysitters for a few hours at a time starting when the baby was 7-8 months old, when I needed to be on campus running experiments. But I managed to graduate when he was about 2 with very limited childcare and lots of time with my kid.
One thing I will say: a year will go by really, really fast, so be prepared for that, and enjoy the time. Good luck!

PP who was bored. It was the worst of "lockdown" Covid and I was very cautious at the time. Esp before we had data on how safe outdoor stuff is.

OP, I'm not sure what is going on with all of these people who describe being with their own baby for a year as boring, tortuous, etc. I loved the time, and you shouldn't get bored, since you can just strap the baby in a carrier and go hiking, to museums, meet friends for lunch, etc. etc.
It's not exactly the same, but I had my first partway through my doctorate. I had completed by coursework but still had to finish running my experiments and write my dissertation. I remained enrolled... the first few months, I worked whenever the baby napped, or while he played, and after he went to bed. I used babysitters for a few hours at a time starting when the baby was 7-8 months old, when I needed to be on campus running experiments. But I managed to graduate when he was about 2 with very limited childcare and lots of time with my kid.
One thing I will say: a year will go by really, really fast, so be prepared for that, and enjoy the time. Good luck!

OP do not listen to all the negativity on here! I would have LOVED to take a full year off with my babies. Especially with the first one -- your world is so rocked with a new baby, it's really nice to get your groove as a mom before you have to return to work. Enjoy the time with that baby!