Reply to I have a real life “The Notebook” situation on my hands and I have no clue who to choose.

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Reply to "I have a real life “The Notebook” situation on my hands and I have no clue who to choose. "

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just because you say, "no" to one, doesn't mean you have to marry the other

"Wants to marry me" is a big red flag ---  you are being  passive. Very passive. Like, "this is happening to me" ...  rather than YOU being empowered. In your own life.  How about you stay away from #1 and not marry #2.  And keep your eyes open for a better, yet unknown, #3.
[/quote]

This.

OP, you don't love #2 enough to marry him.  Let him go find someone who loves him.  If he's so nice, don't waste his time.  And don't go back to the hot mess.

Just move on and find someone else.  [/quote]

[b]I don’t think it’s fair to compare three years to a new relationship with only a year under your belt.[/b][/quote]

DP, not the one above.

Is the bold you, OP? Or another poster? This sounds like something OP would say to herself as she's trying to twist herself like a pretzel to justify why she should return to the ex: "I had three years invested in him, only one invested in the current man...."

And yes, OP, that kind of thinking is indeed an attempt at justification. You. Broke. It. Off. For a very good reason. Now you're getting sucked back toward the ex because--why? He's talking marriage and maybe you wanted that before but he didn't offer it? And he's talking marriage and vowing he'll get therapy and be good now? He might truly believe what he's telling you, but that does not mean you need to say yes.

[/quote]

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