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[quote=Anonymous]Dating is not the same thing as having intercourse. I should have assumed that people would equate the two. I did not know that keeping track of numbers was considered "manly" but, looking back, in my first long-term relationship I wrote down the days and numbers of times we got it on. My boyfriend found the notebook and was incredibly offended but I am just a keeper of lists, have been my whole life. I have a folder full of old recipes and if I change one element, like sugar, by even 5 grams I note the result and the date. I regularly update my list of books read. I have hundreds of notecards with actions taken, and yes, if DH and I share special time, I do jot it down on that day's card. I thought the compulsion to keep track and was writerly, but not manly, but now I know better. Thanks, actually! Now that I am a man perhaps I won't ever feel  again the uniquely splintering, burning pain that lets me know I  need Diflucan for a yeast infection or antibiotics for a UTI. I brought race into it because it is well-documented that  black women are often considered less feminine by many and I was astounded to see this play out in an anonymous forum in which race should play no role whatsoever. As a culturally and biologically black woman (by which I mean ADOS who grew up in and attended majority-black schools and was not adopted by nonblack parents), am I doomed to be perceived, even online, as so unfeminine that I must be identified as a man?

I come to DCUM to say the things I can't say in real life for fear of offending people. I wish that you and I could talk offline, PP. So many of the problems we face as a country could be solved if people could sit down together and honestly hash things out. [/quote]

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