I am so feeling like Sojourner Truth in this moment, when she poignantly posed the question, "Ain't I a Woman?" What particularly hurts is that I have many friends who are white women and I have always maintained solidarity with them because I felt myself to be a woman first. Like Shirley Chisholm, I felt that sexism blighted my prospects more than racism. I felt and feel that attacks on any woman are attacks on me as a woman. Really sad. OP, I am sorry for hijacking your thread. These issues are just so close to my heart. I will go and start my own thread.

Dating is not the same thing as having intercourse. I should have assumed that people would equate the two. I did not know that keeping track of numbers was considered "manly" but, looking back, in my first long-term relationship I wrote down the days and numbers of times we got it on. My boyfriend found the notebook and was incredibly offended but I am just a keeper of lists, have been my whole life. I have a folder full of old recipes and if I change one element, like sugar, by even 5 grams I note the result and the date. I regularly update my list of books read. I have hundreds of notecards with actions taken, and yes, if DH and I share special time, I do jot it down on that day's card. I thought the compulsion to keep track and was writerly, but not manly, but now I know better. Thanks, actually! Now that I am a man perhaps I won't ever feel again the uniquely splintering, burning pain that lets me know I need Diflucan for a yeast infection or antibiotics for a UTI. I brought race into it because it is well-documented that black women are often considered less feminine by many and I was astounded to see this play out in an anonymous forum in which race should play no role whatsoever. As a culturally and biologically black woman (by which I mean ADOS who grew up in and attended majority-black schools and was not adopted by nonblack parents), am I doomed to be perceived, even online, as so unfeminine that I must be identified as a man?

I come to DCUM to say the things I can't say in real life for fear of offending people. I wish that you and I could talk offline, PP. So many of the problems we face as a country could be solved if people could sit down together and honestly hash things out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dated over 100 men but only 4-5 men in real life have literally turned my head. One I remember got on a Foggy Bottom years ago. Young military guy. Every other woman in that compartment stole a glance. The air seemed to crackle with sexual tension. I began to sweat. The craziest thing was that this man was normal. He was trim and toned but not especially tall. The symmetry of his features made him striking but in a subtle way. And yet he could have had any one of us. It was my Eyes Wide Shut moment.

It's hilarious when men pretend to be women lol. The things that go thru their brain trying to understand female sexuality. They think it's like installing a dishwasher. B happens because of A, however D is not important.

But I am a woman. This has happened to me so many times on DCUM. I am black, DH is white, we have 3 kids. I went to Howard, worked at State, and am now an expat. Okay, I did not ask the other women in the Metro car that do if they would do him but everyone was sneaking peeks at him despite the fact that he was really just average cute. Brown eyes, dark hair. But he radiated this incredible energy.Am I the only woman who loves that Nicole Kidman scene in Eyes Wide Shut? I always found it credible because there is that one guy that just, for no reason you can explain, does it for you, even if he does not look like Idris or Denzel. I've been in this country for nearly a decade and have only seen one man in all that time who turned my head like the Foggy Bottom guy. Do I really sound like a man? This might be why I have so few female friends. I'd love to have more but perhaps my vibe is too masculine.

Nope, I still think you are a man. It's kind of weird that you brought race into account. The dead giveaway is the 100+ partners. Women don't keep track of it, especially at that number. Only a guy would do that, as a badge of pride.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that people who date men are generally more attractive than people who date women. Women look for a lot of other qualities, but men are pretty focused on looks.
I used to live in a community that had a high concentration of gay men (the short north in Columbus, OH), and most of the men there were attractive, worked out regularly, dressed well, etc.

By contrast, the women were nearly as conventionally attractive as straight women.

Trying visiting a few gay bars at night. You'll see plenty of fat guys, guys wearing baseball hats and football jerseys, old guys, guys who are bald, etc. Looks just like any other bar in the western world.

Well, this area is pretty close to a huge college campus, so the demographic is probably different, but this was not my experience.
I lived in an apartment building with a lot of gay men, and a disproportionate number were really good looking.

In general, gay men are so handsome. I wonder if anyone did studies of why this is the case.

Who is this?

Matt Bomer. He's been married for over a decade and they have 3 kids

https://www.instagram.com/p/CX4u_0XJ3WU/?utm_source=ig_embed&ig_rid=c961f613-396c-418e-83bc-c97cce629270

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have dated over 100 men but only 4-5 men in real life have literally turned my head. One I remember got on a Foggy Bottom years ago. Young military guy. Every other woman in that compartment stole a glance. The air seemed to crackle with sexual tension. I began to sweat. The craziest thing was that this man was normal. He was trim and toned but not especially tall. The symmetry of his features made him striking but in a subtle way. And yet he could have had any one of us. It was my Eyes Wide Shut moment.

It's hilarious when men pretend to be women lol. The things that go thru their brain trying to understand female sexuality. They think it's like installing a dishwasher. B happens because of A, however D is not important.

But I am a woman. This has happened to me so many times on DCUM. I am black, DH is white, we have 3 kids. I went to Howard, worked at State, and am now an expat. Okay, I did not ask the other women in the Metro car that do if they would do him but everyone was sneaking peeks at him despite the fact that he was really just average cute. Brown eyes, dark hair. But he radiated this incredible energy.Am I the only woman who loves that Nicole Kidman scene in Eyes Wide Shut? I always found it credible because there is that one guy that just, for no reason you can explain, does it for you, even if he does not look like Idris or Denzel. I've been in this country for nearly a decade and have only seen one man in all that time who turned my head like the Foggy Bottom guy. Do I really sound like a man? This might be why I have so few female friends. I'd love to have more but perhaps my vibe is too masculine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would say that people who date men are generally more attractive than people who date women. Women look for a lot of other qualities, but men are pretty focused on looks.
I used to live in a community that had a high concentration of gay men (the short north in Columbus, OH), and most of the men there were attractive, worked out regularly, dressed well, etc.

By contrast, the women were nearly as conventionally attractive as straight women.

Trying visiting a few gay bars at night. You'll see plenty of fat guys, guys wearing baseball hats and football jerseys, old guys, guys who are bald, etc. Looks just like any other bar in the western world.

Well, this area is pretty close to a huge college campus, so the demographic is probably different, but this was not my experience.
I lived in an apartment building with a lot of gay men, and a disproportionate number were really good looking.

In general, gay men are so handsome. I wonder if anyone did studies of why this is the case.

Who is this?