Reply to How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?

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Reply to "How to comfort friend after disappointing delivery?"

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[quote=Anonymous]Agree with the helpful posters about listening, validating, etc.

Also agree that the posters being like "she has a healthy baby what's her problem?" are absolutely the worst jerks and probably have no real friends. Jesus, is this how you reacted in your 20s when your friends had tough breakups? When they got laid off? When they were arguing with their parents? "Well, you're alive and healthy so shut up?" Sheesh. Sometimes things are hard for people emotionally. Are you a pod person that you don't understand that?? Or some kind of robot? Ugh.

One thing I will add that I haven't seen mentioned - being a FTM is such a time of uncertainty, and especially given what you said about her wanting to do things "right" - I can be similar and I think one thing that can really help is to compliment her mothering. My mom (not always the most emotionally supportive person) did this a lot when I had my first, years ago, and I still remember it. Everyone comes over and coos over the baby "He's so cute!" "What a beautiful baby!" etc, but to repeatedly hear "Oh, you're such a wonderful mom" was really, really nice, especially when it was in response to things that were happening (even mundane things!).

Me: Oh, I hear the baby, let me go get him.
Mom: Oh, you're such a wonderful mom.

Me: Larlo got up every hour last night, I'm so tired.
Mom: You're such a great mom.

Me: Look, I reorganized the nursery so pajamas are in the top drawer now.
Mom: Larlo is so lucky, you're such a wonderful mom.

Sounds silly saying it now, but EVERYONE including new moms themselves take this all for granted, and to hear that my efforts were valuable was just really, really validating. [/quote]

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