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[quote=Anonymous]Those folks who are asserting there's no harm to preserving this (hypothetical) lie are wildly misinformed. The impacts of this kind of secrecy are profound and lifelong.

At the most basic level, the OP's DH needs accurate health information. Not knowing his true parentage could set him up for unnecessary tests or, even worse, keep from him vitally important information about health issues he'll need to monitor closely. I'm adopted and am very familiar with adoptee health issues, which can be similar. It's a very serious problem, especially as we age. For example, my adoption was closed so I have to do colonoscopies more frequently than others. Medical care can be a real nightmare when you don't have an accurate family history.

In addition, the trust and identity issues run deep. When DH does find out, and he almost certainly will, his entire world will explode. Late discovery often leads people to fundamentally question every relationship in their lives, and from there it even more frequently leads to family disintegration because the trust violations are so significant. If the OP's DH ever finds out that she knew and didn't tell him, it would be the end of the marriage or the closest they'll ever come to it. Same goes for his mother. If she hopes to have her relationship with her son survive the exposure of these facts, she darn well better be the one who tells.

In this day and age, with the easy and comparatively cheap access to 23andMe, Ancestry, and similar testing services, there really is no hiding anymore.[/quote]

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