Anonymous wrote:For the sake of this story, your DH is one of 7 kids. Yo, u have noticed he looks a bit different than his siblings, though not drastically so, the most noticeable, you could describe it as his siblings are all exact copies of each other and are good blends of the parents, he's sort of an off-brand copy, like trademark vs store-brand, : close enough that you won't really notice unless you're really looking.s that while his 4 brothers all stand 6 ft and above he's just barely touching 5'9", but hey genetics is variable. You and MIL are pretty close despite being very different in personality and values ie she's very conservative and you're more liberal, you get along great, and since you've been married you often hag out just the 2 off you. On one such girl's night, MIL has too much to drink and ends's up spilling that DH is not your FIL's son. She had an affair and DH was the result. Neither FIL nor DH knows. WWYD?
1. Would you confront MIL when sober, and insist she fess up,
2 if she didn't want to would you tell your DH?
3. Create a situation where the family did Ancestry DNA just for fun and have the truth come out that way?
4. or would you keep it to yourself, because they're a happy and loving family and don't see anything to be gained by disrupting that with paternity reveal?

Anonymous wrote:The husband would never forgive you if he found out you knew and didn’t tell him. So I’d tell MIL she has until January 7 to tell DH or I will. No need to ruin the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those folks who are asserting there's no harm to preserving this (hypothetical) lie are wildly misinformed. The impacts of this kind of secrecy are profound and lifelong.

At the most basic level, the OP's DH needs accurate health information. Not knowing his true parentage could set him up for unnecessary tests or, even worse, keep from him vitally important information about health issues he'll need to monitor closely. I'm adopted and am very familiar with adoptee health issues, which can be similar. It's a very serious problem, especially as we age. For example, my adoption was closed so I have to do colonoscopies more frequently than others. Medical care can be a real nightmare when you don't have an accurate family history.

In addition, the trust and identity issues run deep. When DH does find out, and he almost certainly will, his entire world will explode. Late discovery often leads people to fundamentally question every relationship in their lives, and from there it even more frequently leads to family disintegration because the trust violations are so significant. If the OP's DH ever finds out that she knew and didn't tell him, it would be the end of the marriage or the closest they'll ever come to it. Same goes for his mother. If she hopes to have her relationship with her son survive the exposure of these facts, she darn well better be the one who tells.

In this day and age, with the easy and comparatively cheap access to 23andMe, Ancestry, and similar testing services, there really is no hiding anymore.

Why would you need to do colonoscopies more frequently if you are not showing any signs that you night have colon cancer? Seems like bad medicine to me.

And your qualifications to come to this conclusion are...?

Feel free to post a link stating that people are considered above average risk for colorectal cancer and therfor should recieve more frequetn screenings than average simply due to being adopted.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those folks who are asserting there's no harm to preserving this (hypothetical) lie are wildly misinformed. The impacts of this kind of secrecy are profound and lifelong.

At the most basic level, the OP's DH needs accurate health information. Not knowing his true parentage could set him up for unnecessary tests or, even worse, keep from him vitally important information about health issues he'll need to monitor closely. I'm adopted and am very familiar with adoptee health issues, which can be similar. It's a very serious problem, especially as we age. For example, my adoption was closed so I have to do colonoscopies more frequently than others. Medical care can be a real nightmare when you don't have an accurate family history.

In addition, the trust and identity issues run deep. When DH does find out, and he almost certainly will, his entire world will explode. Late discovery often leads people to fundamentally question every relationship in their lives, and from there it even more frequently leads to family disintegration because the trust violations are so significant. If the OP's DH ever finds out that she knew and didn't tell him, it would be the end of the marriage or the closest they'll ever come to it. Same goes for his mother. If she hopes to have her relationship with her son survive the exposure of these facts, she darn well better be the one who tells.

In this day and age, with the easy and comparatively cheap access to 23andMe, Ancestry, and similar testing services, there really is no hiding anymore.

Why would you need to do colonoscopies more frequently if you are not showing any signs that you night have colon cancer? Seems like bad medicine to me.

And your qualifications to come to this conclusion are...?

Anonymous wrote:For the sake of this story, your DH is one of 7 kids. Yo, u have noticed he looks a bit different than his siblings, though not drastically so, the most noticeable, you could describe it as his siblings are all exact copies of each other and are good blends of the parents, he's sort of an off-brand copy, like trademark vs store-brand, : close enough that you won't really notice unless you're really looking.s that while his 4 brothers all stand 6 ft and above he's just barely touching 5'9", but hey genetics is variable. You and MIL are pretty close despite being very different in personality and values ie she's very conservative and you're more liberal, you get along great, and since you've been married you often hag out just the 2 off you. On one such girl's night, MIL has too much to drink and ends's up spilling that DH is not your FIL's son. She had an affair and DH was the result. Neither FIL nor DH knows. WWYD?
1. Would you confront MIL when sober, and insist she fess up,
2 if she didn't want to would you tell your DH?
3. Create a situation where the family did Ancestry DNA just for fun and have the truth come out that way?
4. or would you keep it to yourself, because they're a happy and loving family and don't see anything to be gained by disrupting that with paternity reveal?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a dumb fake thread.

+1 I didn't realize it was fake. So stupid of OP.

The title says this is not a real situation yet, you wandered your dumbass in here to comment.

So take all the answers at a hypothetical level. As though, this is the ad ice/ commentary that people would hypothetically give.

Are people supposed to respond.. “we’ll, hypothetically I would do this, but as it’s not real I’d not do any of it?”

Weird that you’re getting hung up on the hypothetical part, which is really not the important detail of the discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those folks who are asserting there's no harm to preserving this (hypothetical) lie are wildly misinformed. The impacts of this kind of secrecy are profound and lifelong.

At the most basic level, the OP's DH needs accurate health information. Not knowing his true parentage could set him up for unnecessary tests or, even worse, keep from him vitally important information about health issues he'll need to monitor closely. I'm adopted and am very familiar with adoptee health issues, which can be similar. It's a very serious problem, especially as we age. For example, my adoption was closed so I have to do colonoscopies more frequently than others. Medical care can be a real nightmare when you don't have an accurate family history.

In addition, the trust and identity issues run deep. When DH does find out, and he almost certainly will, his entire world will explode. Late discovery often leads people to fundamentally question every relationship in their lives, and from there it even more frequently leads to family disintegration because the trust violations are so significant. If the OP's DH ever finds out that she knew and didn't tell him, it would be the end of the marriage or the closest they'll ever come to it. Same goes for his mother. If she hopes to have her relationship with her son survive the exposure of these facts, she darn well better be the one who tells.

In this day and age, with the easy and comparatively cheap access to 23andMe, Ancestry, and similar testing services, there really is no hiding anymore.

Why would you need to do colonoscopies more frequently if you are not showing any signs that you night have colon cancer? Seems like bad medicine to me.

Anonymous wrote:Those folks who are asserting there's no harm to preserving this (hypothetical) lie are wildly misinformed. The impacts of this kind of secrecy are profound and lifelong.

At the most basic level, the OP's DH needs accurate health information. Not knowing his true parentage could set him up for unnecessary tests or, even worse, keep from him vitally important information about health issues he'll need to monitor closely. I'm adopted and am very familiar with adoptee health issues, which can be similar. It's a very serious problem, especially as we age. For example, my adoption was closed so I have to do colonoscopies more frequently than others. Medical care can be a real nightmare when you don't have an accurate family history.

In addition, the trust and identity issues run deep. When DH does find out, and he almost certainly will, his entire world will explode. Late discovery often leads people to fundamentally question every relationship in their lives, and from there it even more frequently leads to family disintegration because the trust violations are so significant. If the OP's DH ever finds out that she knew and didn't tell him, it would be the end of the marriage or the closest they'll ever come to it. Same goes for his mother. If she hopes to have her relationship with her son survive the exposure of these facts, she darn well better be the one who tells.

In this day and age, with the easy and comparatively cheap access to 23andMe, Ancestry, and similar testing services, there really is no hiding anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What a dumb fake thread.

+1 I didn't realize it was fake. So stupid of OP.

The title says this is not a real situation yet, you wandered your dumbass in here to comment.

Anonymous wrote:If he weren't already dead I'd ask if you married River Phoenix.