Reply to What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think one of the challenges with the mental load is that it can be really hard to share it because so much is entwined. I gave this a lot of thought when DH and I had kids. He has ADHD and so I know juggling the mental stuff is not his strength while I generally like doing things like shopping for their clothes, planning parties, researching camp and travel options. So, for the most part, I don't mind the mental load (and yes I work FT). But what has helped a lot is to make certain domains 100% his. And I think a lot of wives would be fine with that, but it falls apart when the DH won't do the basics in what they agreed to. DH, however, has been good at sticking with keeping up on his domains, to at least basic health and safety standards even if it's not what I'd do. I definitely had to restrain myself at points on giving advise but it gets easier over time. Starting with babies, I never gave a child a bath. Baths were his job 100%. He handles all grocery shopping, I just add things to the running list as I need them. We have a dog and dog care is all him -- figuring out training for the puppy, handling all vet visits, booking boarding. Teaching the kids to drive also all him. He was the only one who kept track of boy scout stuff. I still have the bigger mental load but I'm fine with the split and the fact that he does take responsibility for the things we've decided are his.[/quote]

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