Reply to What is with DCUM women and "mental loads?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's not new, and it's not exclusive to DCUM. Who in your household keeps track of birthdays, doctors appointments, clothing sizes, early dismissals, permission slips, camp signups, holiday cards, and meal planning? Does that person also have a paid job?[/quote]

I do all of this and have a paid job. It's not hard. Why do women seem to struggle with it?

-- Single Dad.

[/quote]

If this isn’t hard for you, you are either superdad or crummy at your job and at parenting. [/quote]

Do you always think in such binary terms?

I'm no "superdad" but I am a good, if imperfect one.

I'm a top performer at work in a senior executive role.

My kids are older teens now and I've taught them to take on more responsibility for themselves. They make their own doctors and dental appointments now, for example and even go alone unless I am required to be there because they are minors. They know the birthdays of their family members. They also know when bills are due (contribute to their phone and car insurance expenses) and each kid prepares one family meal per week (DD1 has Tuesdays and DD2 does Thursdays).

I guided DD1 on college applications, but served more as a consultant and adviser -- she did it all herself.

DD2 initiated her driving behind the wheel tests.

If they need permission slips or early dismissals, they talk to me and we get it done.

Again, some of this is tedious, but it's not really HARD, let alone mentally taxing.

[/quote]

Were you a single dad when your kids were little? Does thier mother have the kids part time, or are you exclusively single parenting 100 percen of the time? Do you do teacher gifts, Christmas photos, new snowboots, bathing suits, hats and gloves for each kid? The mental load for older teens is much lighter, and obviously if you only have the kids 50/50, it's much lighter as well. In my experience, married men don't need to step up and do those things because of their learned helplessness.[/quote]

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