Reply to Making SAHM get job to pay for private school

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How can I force this issue or am I in the wrong? I am sole breadwinner, make about 500k so money isn't an issue but wife wants our 2 kids to go to private school for middle and high school. The school is about 30k per year. That's about $700k I'm pre tax money and not counting college.

I went to public school my whole life, including a good state school so my tuition from kindergarten through end of grad school was about the cost of one year of this middle school, combined.  I think private school is a waste, unless you are in a bad school district or your kid has unique needs.

Leaving aside I could retire several years earlier if we sent the kids to the good, local public school, I feel my wife has lost the sense of what a dollar is. She isn't a spendthrift on other areas. I feel like if this is so important, then she can work with basically every penny she earns going to pay tuition.

How do I raise this without blowing things up?[/quote]

Stop thinking about this in terms of "my lazy stay at home wife doesn't understand the value of a dollar" and instead think "How can my partner and I get back on the same page about our long term financial and life goals.  Sit down with a financial planner and have them run the numbers for various scenarios (private school vs. not, retiring early vs not, additional income from wife's job vs. not). Be sure to also factor in what additional expenses you would have if your wife returned to work full time: housecleaner, child care, transportation (wife's job and also whoever drives the kids while she is at work)...your wife will probably know more about this than you. Also, what other large expenses do you have (vacations? expensive cars or second homes?) Could you cut some of those? And are there specific private schools your wife has in mind? You should go look at them and see what they say about why they are worth it.

You are likely enjoying a lot of perks related to your wife being a SAHM that you have not considered. I know you want to "teach her a lesson", but you should carefully consider how your life will be impacted by her working outside the home. Similarly, she should keep an open mind about your family budget and goals. Maybe there is a good reason to send the kids to private school, and maybe there isn't, but perhaps there are other sacrifices your family could make that would make it more affordable. Or, maybe not. I just think the whole conversation will go better if you approach her with respect and a genuine open mindedness to her idea, while at the same time sharing your hopes for the future. It's not fair for you to treat her like a child, but its not fair for her to just assume you can keep working as long as needed to fund whatever ideas she has for herself and the kids. [/quote]

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