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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What does your husband want to do about the situation? [/quote]

OP here. I've been nicely encouraging him to explore other options but we have a hard time having an open conversation because he is always so busy and stressed. It feels like he (understandably) has zero mental capacity left to talk to me. And [b]I think updating his resume after 10 years and job searching feels insurmountable on top of the work load right now.[/b] He is fiercely loyal (to a fault in this situation) and is proud of how long that he's been at the company. We both came from blue collar union families with pensions and the mentality of "put in my 30 years here and retire" and I'm trying to help him understand that it is very, very normal in the business world to work for several companies over your career. This is the company he interned with in college and then they hired him after graduation.[/quote]
OP, would it be possible for you to do this for him? At least an initial draft? I'm sure there are a lot of irrational, emotional things that are preventing your DH from seeking alternatives, but at least removing the logistical ones might help.

What you have going on is unsustainable. My DH was working 70-80hr/wk and earning close to $400K total comp earlier in our marriage, and it still almost destroyed us. And at least his job provided enough resources for us to hire out help. It's still a struggle, but at some point he learned to put some boundaries around his work. He discovered that he is actually valued for his unique skills, and he's continued to be promoted etc. He's also developed deep loyalty among his team, because he fights for their workplace to be more humane overall. It's not perfect, and being home more during the pandemic has shown him how much he was missing of our kids' lives, but it's better than it used to be. Interestingly, my (male) boss shared with me that the pandemic caused him to have a similar realization about his kids.

What is happening in your household is not sustainable. I think maybe framing it in terms of his responsibility to you and your kids might help. And also being a team, helping him work through the challenges. It doesn't sound like he feels supported in any aspect of his work life, so approach this from the perspective of making things easier.[/quote]

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