Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto PP who said update his resume for him and take charge of applying to jobs for him. He’s too weighed down, he can’t get out of this by himself- he needs your help.
Act as his personal assistant for a couple weeks and apply to some jobs. And maybe find a couple recruiters in his field that he can connect with to look for positions for him

I would be livid if my spouse did this for me.

not helpful.
so you would rather keep working 18 hour days with no hope and so exhausted you can't fix the situation? what's your solution?

I would continue to manage my own career. If OP has an issue she can bring it up with her spouse, but it's his career, not hers.

There isn’t a clear line between job and family now. So if the career is cutting into her quality of life she should be able to voice some concerns.

Yes voice concerns from a family perspective. Do not update his resume and start applying to positions. I am positive that her husband has his own thoughts on his current position, what he wants to change and how to get there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto PP who said update his resume for him and take charge of applying to jobs for him. He’s too weighed down, he can’t get out of this by himself- he needs your help.
Act as his personal assistant for a couple weeks and apply to some jobs. And maybe find a couple recruiters in his field that he can connect with to look for positions for him

I would be livid if my spouse did this for me.

I would be livid if my spouse did what OP’s husband is doing.

It’s so arrogant masking as humble loyalty. Really? He thinks the company will stop if he doesn’t do all this extra work? If he quit, he’d be replaced within a week (a month tops) and they’d actually hire more people to do the work he’s doing for free.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto PP who said update his resume for him and take charge of applying to jobs for him. He’s too weighed down, he can’t get out of this by himself- he needs your help.
Act as his personal assistant for a couple weeks and apply to some jobs. And maybe find a couple recruiters in his field that he can connect with to look for positions for him

I would be livid if my spouse did this for me.

not helpful.
so you would rather keep working 18 hour days with no hope and so exhausted you can't fix the situation? what's your solution?

I would continue to manage my own career. If OP has an issue she can bring it up with her spouse, but it's his career, not hers.

There isn’t a clear line between job and family now. So if the career is cutting into her quality of life she should be able to voice some concerns.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto PP who said update his resume for him and take charge of applying to jobs for him. He’s too weighed down, he can’t get out of this by himself- he needs your help.
Act as his personal assistant for a couple weeks and apply to some jobs. And maybe find a couple recruiters in his field that he can connect with to look for positions for him

I would be livid if my spouse did this for me.

not helpful.
so you would rather keep working 18 hour days with no hope and so exhausted you can't fix the situation? what's your solution?

I would continue to manage my own career. If OP has an issue she can bring it up with her spouse, but it's his career, not hers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ditto PP who said update his resume for him and take charge of applying to jobs for him. He’s too weighed down, he can’t get out of this by himself- he needs your help.
Act as his personal assistant for a couple weeks and apply to some jobs. And maybe find a couple recruiters in his field that he can connect with to look for positions for him

I would be livid if my spouse did this for me.

not helpful.
so you would rather keep working 18 hour days with no hope and so exhausted you can't fix the situation? what's your solution?

Anonymous wrote:Ditto PP who said update his resume for him and take charge of applying to jobs for him. He’s too weighed down, he can’t get out of this by himself- he needs your help.
Act as his personal assistant for a couple weeks and apply to some jobs. And maybe find a couple recruiters in his field that he can connect with to look for positions for him

I would be livid if my spouse did this for me.

40 hours a week and that's it. Whatever doesn't get done, doesn't get done. Nothing will happen. And look for a new job. There are a million out there that are paying more than this.

Criminally underpaid

Ditto PP who said update his resume for him and take charge of applying to jobs for him. He’s too weighed down, he can’t get out of this by himself- he needs your help.
Act as his personal assistant for a couple weeks and apply to some jobs. And maybe find a couple recruiters in his field that he can connect with to look for positions for him

95k?! I am a teacher who works 8-3:30 and I make more than this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband want to do about the situation?

OP here. I've been nicely encouraging him to explore other options but we have a hard time having an open conversation because he is always so busy and stressed. It feels like he (understandably) has zero mental capacity left to talk to me. And I think updating his resume after 10 years and job searching feels insurmountable on top of the work load right now. He is fiercely loyal (to a fault in this situation) and is proud of how long that he's been at the company. We both came from blue collar union families with pensions and the mentality of "put in my 30 years here and retire" and I'm trying to help him understand that it is very, very normal in the business world to work for several companies over your career. This is the company he interned with in college and then they hired him after graduation.

OP, would it be possible for you to do this for him? At least an initial draft? I'm sure there are a lot of irrational, emotional things that are preventing your DH from seeking alternatives, but at least removing the logistical ones might help.

What you have going on is unsustainable. My DH was working 70-80hr/wk and earning close to $400K total comp earlier in our marriage, and it still almost destroyed us. And at least his job provided enough resources for us to hire out help. It's still a struggle, but at some point he learned to put some boundaries around his work. He discovered that he is actually valued for his unique skills, and he's continued to be promoted etc. He's also developed deep loyalty among his team, because he fights for their workplace to be more humane overall. It's not perfect, and being home more during the pandemic has shown him how much he was missing of our kids' lives, but it's better than it used to be. Interestingly, my (male) boss shared with me that the pandemic caused him to have a similar realization about his kids.

What is happening in your household is not sustainable. I think maybe framing it in terms of his responsibility to you and your kids might help. And also being a team, helping him work through the challenges. It doesn't sound like he feels supported in any aspect of his work life, so approach this from the perspective of making things easier.

Your husband’s company is taking advantage of him and will continue to make him grind away until he collapses. He needs to find another job.

I was in a similar situation at my last job (though not 18 hours a day). I was often up until 3-4 am, only to join calls at 8. I have toddlers and still had to tend to them in between working (my husband is very hands on but they just wanted mommy sometimes).

And yes, I spoke up. I said I was stretched too thin and overloaded. I let them know what I needed to succeed. Leadership said “hang in there, it’ll let up soon, we’re hiring”. It did not let up.

I put up with it for about 9 months and then found another job. My leadership was shocked, claimed not to know there was a problem and tried to offer me $$$$ get me to stay. Yeah right.

Well I had 2 people on a 4 person team quit. They process documents that are time sensitive - we can’t NOT do them.

What did I do?
1. Cancel all special projects and nice to have actions
2. Pick up slack and cover my staff so they could take PTO, so they don’t also quit.
3. Ask a colleague in another department to do my screening interviews for me.
4. Make / improve job aids to improve onboarding and ask my existing staff to help with onboarding.
5. Give the new people more responsibility sooner and hope they swim instead of sink.

Yes it was a long summer / fall and long hours impacted my family - but it more people quit or I lost my job, it would have been so much worse.

Practically speaking, your DH should take a sick day or two to get his resume updated and send out some applications. He’s too overwhelmed to do it in the time he has.

If this is a new thing, he should talk to his boss. If it’s not, I honestly don’t think it will go that well. They know he’s been dealing with this workload for a while and they will not be motivated to make changes. He’s saving his company loads of money.

What portion of your family income is 95k? What is his field?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dr. Fauchi works 16 hours a day and took zero vacation days on last 18 months and turns 81 this month.

Toughen up folks

As one of the nation’s top experts and leaders during a pandemic, with long grown children and sure as hell not for $95K.

But you sure thought you said something here.

Yeah Fauci gets respect unlike OP’s husband.

Fun fact: Fauci is the single highest paid person in the ENTIRE federal government.

For what that man put up with, I’d say he earned it and then some.