Reply to How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't stand up to his family?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How do you deal with a spouse who doesn't stand up to his family?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, are you actually upset that you decided not to have kids?  Honest question.[/quote]

This is OP here.

No, I don't feel upset about our decision not to have kids. I still stand by that decision. However I do feel that there are certain aspects of community and family life that my husband and are not part of. I find it quite hard to explain. Let me try and give an example. 
My husband's siblings, who all have kids, seem to have a closer connection with each other, plus a wider circle of friends and acquaintances than us, purely because they all had kids. 
They would have experienced ante natal classes, mom & baby groups, toddler activities, meeting their kids' friends, meeting the other moms and dads, PTA, attending their kids' school plays, sports games, BBQs with other parents, etc.

I also notice it in the small town where my husband and I live. It's a beautiful town and it's very family friendly and safe, but in my experience we, as a childfree couple now entering middle age, have to make A LOT more effort to socialize and make friends than people who have children. There just isn't that network.

I do realise that we've had a lot more free time and 'freedom' than people with kids, but at the ages we are now, it sometimes makes me wonder what our future in old age will hold.[/quote]

Op after COVID I have been surprised at how many people have relayed happiness at not having to go to those parent BBQ or PTA meetings.  They have said they are happy they don't have to be around their kids friends parents.  What seems like close friendships is sometimes an obligation.  In other occasions I have friends who have said they have a close mom's group who have become good friends.

The point is sometimes groups are close friends and sometimes they aren't.  Some of the closest friends I see in others comes from adult sports.  Not from their kids sports which they see as an obligation but from the sports groups they have as adults. This is why many are saying branch out and find your group.  They will be there, you just have to find them.

In older years there are so many groups to join, volunteer work.  My MIL use to sit at home alone until one of her friends she didn't see anymore invited her to join a group at the senior centre near their home.  Now she has weekly social outings and has a bit of a social life again.  My MIL had kids and yet she didn't see anyone until she made this change in her life.  She is better for it.

Sometimes it takes a while to find that group but you will get there.  This is coming from someone without kids and has formed a life around that.  I get what you are saying, its easier with kids, the social life is almost organised for you.  Our siblings are the same, however other relationships have proven to be more fulfilling, so I would suggest branching out.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics