Reply to Stepmoms: were you the AP who broke up the marriage?

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Reply to "Stepmoms: were you the AP who broke up the marriage?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, plot twist. I am a woman, so is my wife, so is the AP. I have posted recently in the relationship forum. So IDK how these facts change the trajectory of my story. We are still in ongoing affair phase with me still trying to get my wife to reconsider leaving the marriage, although with each passing day my capacity for forgiveness is diminishing...[/quote]

[b]You’ve posted many times and have received a lot of good advice you don’t seem to be taking.  Instead of obsessing about what DCUM think of your situation, please seek help for yourself.  Your wife has already made her choice.  She’s not changing her mind and, even if she did, how could you ever move past this?
[/b]
I know two grown kids whose parents’ married their APs.  DH’s mom became engaged to her tennis partner 3 months after she and DH’s dad divorced when he was in middle school.  Everyone knew about the affair, so it wasn’t a secret.  DH resented his stepdad for the first couple of years, but then moved past it and formed a friendly relationship with his stepdad.  He recognized that his parents had a bad marriage and his stepdad was a better partner for his mom.

My college best friend’s dad left her mom when she was in first grade for a younger woman. They went on to have a child tougher.  BF resented her stepmom initially but they eventually became really close.  Stepmom took us on some fun trips while we were in college and we enjoyed hanging out with her.  BF has always been jealous of her half-sibling.  She grew up with both her parents and had a privileged life that BF didn’t have.  She doesn’t seem to blame her stepmom for this though.  And she recognizes that her dad would have left her mom for someone else had it not been stepmom.  He was a serial cheater (and cheated on stepmom too).[/quote]

It's one thing to get a reality check, but the constant surveying means that you aren't looking inward to see what is best for YOU. Find a way to get some mental quiet so you can find clarity. Regardless of the outcome it's the only healthy way to move forward and eventually find peace. I am sorry this is happening to you. It's really not fair. But you need to go with your gut and you can't listen to it through all the noise you're getting on this forum. [/quote]

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