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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here... My neighbors have a large pitbull that is not particularly well supervised. They also have a son the same age as mine and the boys are friends. I have made it a rule that my son can't play in their yard because of this dog. The boys are free to play in my yard. ( Their son is sort of free range and just shows up at our house unannounced.) I can tell the parents are angry about this because they have made comments about our son not being allowed to come over. Do I explain that it's because of their dog or would that make the situation even worse? I see how sensitive people are over their "sweetie" dogs but I'm just trying to do the right thing for my child. [/quote]

I would tell them that the dog makes you nervous. [b]If you want to smooth it over, just say you are afraid of dogs[/b] and wouldn't be able to relax if your kid is around theirs.  This, IMO, is better than wondering why your kid isn't allowed at my house.[/quote]

Why do so many people, women in particular, feel compelled to tell these little white lies to save face or make people feel good?

No. Tell the truth and be direct. There is nothing wrong with that. "Oh, Sally, I wish it were different, but we are firm on feeling that pitbulls are an inherently aggressive breed, and we don't let our kids around them. I'm sure they'll be sweet with your family, but it's a hard line for us. Bobby and Larla are welcome at our place anytime, but little Susie can't be around your dog. We know that sucks, but it's where we are with this."
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It's not about women, but sometimes it's ok not to rub your personal disdain for other people's choices in their face. They still have to be neighbors.  Be smart and be diplomatic.  Keep the kids away from the dog and retain some semblance of your relationship with your neighbors. That's all.[/quote]

That's the thing though. Being direct isn't an insult. It's honest. Honesty doesn't need to ruin a healthy friendship. Being clear and direct and forthcoming about this is respectful to the neighbor, in my opinion. People can be friends without hiding how they feel, especially when it's about things like kid friendships that you don't want to make weird or ruin. I don't get this mindset at all, but to each their own. My mom told/tells these "white lies" all the time to avoid conflict, and it was and is super effed up and she will never see that. [/quote]

Ok, well not everyone is in the same boat as you, and I am sure you have lost friends over your "directness" -- I believe that it's fine that everyone isn't direct all the time. These are their neighbors.  They may not have a "healthy relationship" with the neighbors, but by sheer geography, they have to see these people frequently.

Something can be insulting AND honest -- they aren't mutually exclusive.  There are times when nuance is preferable to always seeing things in black and white.

And frankly, it's not a white lie.  The PP is scared of pit bulls being near her kids and would not relax if they were alone with it.  That's true.[/quote]

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