Reply to How do some people luck out with great adult kids and others have kids who abandon them

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We didn’t do much for my MIL when she died.  She wasn’t abusive or a bad mother or grandmother at all.  I don’t think she had a personality disorder.  It seemed to me that she spent her whole life just trying not to be in the way.  She didn’t initiate plans, and if she had something else going on when we initiated or it was too difficult to get together, then she would just apologize and say that she couldn’t make it rather than trying to get something to work.

When she died, her husband organized her burial, and DH and his brother put together a little memorial service and calling hours.  They said a few words, but no one else really did.  My kids had only met her a few times.  She wasn’t religious at all, so there wasn’t a sermon.

I’m sure that her friends saw her as a very sweet person, and she was.  She just had a small impact.[/quote]
Maybe she just didn’t care for you and the kids very much?
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Yes. Your last line hurt me and I wasn't even there. Small impact? I don't think of anyone that way.[/quote]

I'm sorry.  I didn't mean it as hurtful, but I did use those words on purpose.  It was eye opening for me.  As I said, she was a sweet person, and she was polite and never bothered anyone.  I, myself, and pretty soft spoken and had always thought of her being unobtrusive as a virtue.  I had expected that she didn't see us much because she was busy with other things, and that a lot of people would turn up and say what a wonderful person she was.  But it turns out that her friends thought they didn't see her much because she was busy off with her grandchildren.  In the end, it turns out that if you don't bother anyone, make them a little uncomfortable sometimes, or have them change their plans or their thoughts or their way of doing anything, then you don't make a big impact on anyone.

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