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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I called myself a half-stepper because I am a long-time SAHM who could be doing so much more. DH does not mind. He considers me a full-stepper in what matters most to him: caring for our family: but objectively speaking, I am no Kamala Harris by DCUM standards. OP is not willing to settle.  He should not ruin his own or her life by doing so. [/quote]

PP, you sound perfectly fine - great actually - and what OP needs to understand is that the vast majority of people are not going to be able to satisfy his every need.  OP should be asking what he brings to the table for his gf.  A relationship is a two way street.  Maybe OP has annoying traits too, like having unrealistic expectations, but his gf is willing to overlook those shortcomings for the greater good of the relationship.

[b]Also OP, it is true in any close relationship you will be exposed to people having to use the bathroom, getting sick or having bad days.  If you aren’t able to tolerate basic humanity you will always be disappointed in any close relationship you have.[/b]  [/quote]

OP here. I never said anything close to this (about the bathroom of tending to a sick partner). Of course those are things I do and would want to have in any relationship. There's a huge difference between being there for our partners on their down days and having reasonable expectations around these examples you bring up and someone living in sweat pants and rarely making an effort on grooming, styling, etc.

My big issue is that she made that effort for the first 6 months to 1 year of the relationship. But now that we're in a serious committed long-term relationship I become the bad guy when I ask her where my original girlfriend went. FWIW, I'd rather my partner be direct with me if I were engaged in some longterm slacking after committment set in. If I gain weight or am not being motivated in some aspect of life I'd rather my partner talk to me about it and jump start me. [b]But it feels like every woman I end up dating starts out bringing her A game then settles into a gentleman's C by year 1.[/b][/quote]

A pattern!  Every woman starts out great then ends up being a disappointment.  OP, have you ever heard of the pattern “idealize-devalue-discard”?  You don’t sound extreme, but the pattern of idealizing these women then becoming quite disappointed in all of them is telling.  Newsflash - everyone is very excited at the start of a new relationship.  If your gf felt she needed to jump through tons of hoops to please you she might have done that for several months. But if that is not a comfortable level of sacrifice for her then it is not sustainable.  Are you quite intense in the beginning of a relationship?  It’s not that easy to sustain that pace while holding down a job and a regular life.  Again, having realistic expectations is probably key here.  [/quote]

But no woman I've ever dated says that I changed later on. They all agreed they let up and I kept bringing the same effort on a consistent basis. I feel like the one who changes is the one who should answer here. I've even asked: am I doing anything or not doing anything that you loved about me early on and now you wish I did. It's always crickets.[/quote]

It doesn't really matter, though, does it? It sounds like every woman you pick becomes more "comfortable," puts less effort into her appearance, and disappoints you. If it has happened a lot, either you pick poorly (women who are not a good choices for you), or your expectations are unrealistic. From what you've written, I'd guess the latter, but maybe it's the former. In any case, it would probably be worth doing some therapy to figure out what is going on, if you do want a long-term relationship. [/quote]

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