Reply to Struggling in longterm relationship with attraction

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She’s not the one.

There is a shelf life of 18 month-3 years when it’s someone not meant to be a long-term mate.

When you find the one, you’ll know.[/quote]

People tell me this, but I'm 38 and have been in many 2-3 year relationships. I am not so sure I buy the "not the one" argument. I'm willing to accept that I may be overly picky and some of it is on me. In other words, I don't think it's because I don't have a strong bond with this woman. I do. But I don't see love and physical attraction as the same. Totally bifurcated in my experience.[/quote]

There are two relevant questions: (1) do you stay in this relationship, and (2) why does this seem to happen in all of your relationships? Separate those questions.

1. No, don't stay. You are not going to be happy, nor is your girlfriend going to be happy being in a relationship long term with someone no longer attracted to her. I don't think you can bank on it coming back.

2. Who knows? You should try to figure this out, and the suggestion for individual therapy is a good one. It very well might be that you are picky, but also, maybe you have intimacy issues [/quote]

Agree that the issues should be separated out. I don't think I have intimacy issues. [b]I am deeply bonded to her. It's literally a physical thing. [/b]I find other women much more attractive and it makes me sad that I'm not really really excited to be with her physically. The other aspects of our relationship are strong.[/quote]

NP guy:  Your idea of a relationship appears to be very superficial.  I don’t think you’re bonded to her based on your comments.  It seems like you’re the one who can’t sustain a long term relationship.

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