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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know what you mean, OP, and it’s not just having money.  
I’m a doctor, and I always feel like I look pretty good when I go to work.  I fix my hair and put on make up.  But then a pharm rep will come in and look so pulled together that I feel like a schlub.  
I know I have more money.  It’s something else.  [/quote]

OP here, and yes! This is exactly it. I have money, I am in great shape, I "take care" of myself. I even feel like I have a good eye for color and design because my house is really lovely. But it's like there is something I can't quite put together when it comes to my own appearance.

I also feel like this is harder for since having a kid. I definitely felt more pulled together pre-kids because I had more time to shop (it could be a relaxing hobby instead of something I try to squeeze into my day because I desperately need a new pair of boots or something) and I also never had to think about stuff like my clothes being appropriate for taking the kid to the playground in the evening, or making sure my bag is big enough for a snacks and other random kid detritus.

But that's why I was so impressed with my friends -- they have kids, too, and they still seem to be thoughtfully put together. It feels like there's some secret I'm missing.

Also, it's not about plastic surgery at all. I'm not saying these women look younger or physically better than me. I'm talking about clothes, accessories, and the degree of "polish" in their appearance -- nails are done, hair is styled, bag coordinates well with outfit. They might have crows feet or grays, but they look pulled together. It's a different metric.[/quote]

Beauty as a hobby PP. I think we may have identified something. I’m hearing two things that I have found to be true and that I want to reflect back to you.

1. There are levels to this game. There’s the average woman, the above average woman, and the knockout. JLo is the knockout. So is the pharma rep and the girl from HS you hate follow on Instagram.  She’s invested more time and effort than you ever will, so stop trying to play at that level. I accepted long ago that while I’m above average, what really stopped me from being the knockout is that I invested more time in other areas (largely career and education). So I’ve stopped trying to keep up with someone who has been running a very different race for a very different time. I don’t look down my nose at those women, just accept our different abilities and move on. It’ll preserve yourself self esteem.

2. This is continual work. Your lifestyle changed and it sounds like you haven’t updated your beauty routine to follow it. For example, I had a baby during the pandemic. I used to shop in person all the time and get my nails done on Mondays after work. Doesn’t work anymore with childcare, especially since DH works a ton. I now have a standing Tuesday 2pm appointment for nails. I online shop more and do returns on my lunch break. These things are important to me so I’ve figured out how to adapt and flex as necessary.  I have a cute mom bag for carrying snacks, a few pairs of nicer flat shoes, sundresses I can wear to the park, etc.

Thoughts?[/quote]

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