Reply to Wife with Metastatic Breast Cancer

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Sorry, but complaining your wife who has metastatic cancer won't have sex with you is not a legit complaint.

It would be one thing if OP has posted in the Health forum looking for advice on how he can improve his wife's health. But complaining that he's not getting laid and that she's not doing yoga and Pilates (because of course he knows better than he doctors!) when she's literally had to [b]fight for her life is not legitimate, it's selfish and whiny.
[/b][/quote]

You are horrible.

Who do you think is taking care of the kids and the house while helping her fight for her life?  What you do not realize is that you are blinded by sexism.  [/quote]

NP.  What sexism?  This point would be valid even if a wife was on here asking a similar question and the husband had cancer.  [/quote]

BS.  The point is, she's in a position where if she's NED, she's probably not on active treatment and can at least engage with her husband and kids.  I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about some sort of engagement in life.  I get "fighting for her life", I'm a recent BC cancer survivor.  But she also has some responsibility to her family, including attempting to manage her health in some way.[/quote]

So I'm the pp you are responding to.  Nothing you wrote speaks to sexism,  The point is that some of the point that others have written about would remain regardless of the sex of the person.  I also think that OP's wife is likely somewhat depressed and so there are things to be investigated with the wife's doctor.  BTW, stage IV cancer in general means it's metastasized and so there's a reason to be concerned.  There are a lot of new therapies out there and so that's a good news but it's definitely a more progressed stage of disease.[/quote]

I'm the BS PP above and not sure who I'm responding to now.  I agree that this applies regardless of the sex of the cancer patient or the caregiver.  I also agree that OP's wife is depressed.  I'm just taken aback by the knee jerk response (perhaps it wasn't yours) that the OPs response to his wife's mental state right now is selfish and based on his needs only.  I do believe, though, that she has some responsibility to get the help she needs (mentally, emotionally, etc) in dealing with a Stage IV diagnosis, as she's not alone in this fight,--she has a spouse and children.  Her caregiver spouse has every right to identify risks and try to secure help for her, himself and their kids.  For the record, I'm very familiar with what Stage IV cancer means.  I'm a recent BC survivor and spend a considerable amount of my life preventing recurrence and dealing with the emotional and mental burdens that accompany a cancer diagnosis and treatment.[/quote]

I'm the pp that you are responding to (I wrote that comment about what sexism and you answered my question about sexism well.  I agree with most of your comments, especially that all should get help.  One thing I will disagree is that sometimes someone who is going through depression doesn't realize it and so won't seek help (responding to your comment about wife's responsibility to help herself).  Therefore, I think OP should seek help for himself but also help his wife as well.    [/quote]

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