Reply to Wife with Metastatic Breast Cancer

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Wife with Metastatic Breast Cancer"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Wow, quite a response.  I get it that my post sounded really bad.  I’m sorry.  No one is talking about or even thinking about leaving the marriage.  It is clear that even though my wife currently has no evidence of cancer the ongoing treatment continues to have a profound affect.  I was simply asking if anyone has been through this, had similar treatments, and how can I do better.  I admit I was frustrated last night about other issues and the way I described the situation really sounded like I was looking for a way out.  I’m not.  You are right, searching on line especially about medical issues can often lead to unreasonable expectations and trouble.  Thanks for your responses, both those that point out my callousness and those that made suggestions.  [/quote]

I didn't think your OP was bad at all but people on DCUM can be really nasty.  Agree with the suggestion to go with her to her doctor and ask your questions, information online is often incorrect or does not contemplate the facts/circumstances of each individuals situation.[/quote]

DP who posted above re: getting yourself therapy and finding a support group for spouses of cancer patients. I agree with this PP, once again, please go to the doctor with your wife and discuss this.

Glad to hear you're not thinking of leaving her. The vitriol you got was based on posters assuming you were ready to dump her or to ask for what DCUM idiotically calls a "hall pass" to find sex elsewhere. You sound like a much better guy than that!

Please find yourself help and get proactive about your specific concerns for DW. The alcohol every night might be fine or might not. Does her doctor know? Does she consume one smallish glass or maybe "just a bit more" or--? Is alcohol even OK with prednisone or other meds she may be taking? Does she not want to exercise because she fears it will only make her more tired and she can't handle the thought of being any more tired than she is? And so on.

Can the doctors help you find some form of cancer aftercare class you can take together? I know INOVA (in northern VA) used to have a lot of "patient and family education" workshops (one-time) and short-term classes about things like "life after cancer" or "living with cancer recovery" etc. that dealt with stuff like advice on nutrition, alcohol, exercise, etc. If you and she can do some of that, together, virtually or in person, you can be by her side to do whatever is recommended together, as a team. If you're not in northern VA, search around online. Large health/hospital systems usually all have these kinds of education and support resources. Look at organizations like the American Cancer Society too. If they don't have what you need, ask them who would. Ask them who's in your area who can help.

Whatever you do, remind your wife often that you love her, love her as she is, and you have her back. She may need reassurance that she's still loved AS a wife and not just seen as someone you have to take care of.

And every day, remind yourself that four years after diagnosis she is alive. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics